Oh hey, I’m back! Well, with a new type of post…a mid-week rant! Aren’t you lucky!
Earlier this week, Huffington Post had an article, “20 Things Only Married People Will Understand,” that was published on 11/18/13. Many of you may have already read it. I was a few days late in the game of seeing it, but it was posted in the Weddings section, so come on, really, why would I have seen it? I found it after I saw others voice their objections to the article on Twitter.
There are so many ways this article and list incensed me. Beginning with the first two sentences: “There are certain things in life you can’t fully understand until you’ve been through them yourself. And marriage is definitely one of those things.” Exsqueeze me? Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve been living under a rock and have never been exposed to married couples. I haven’t ever been around married family members, married neighbors, married friends, married coworkers, married fricken strangers on the street, etc. Nor have I ever talked to any married person about their marriage. I have NO idea what marriage is like. I can’t fully understand marriage because I’ve never been married. Oh, please. Having been married only gives you better insight to your marriage, not the institution of marriage as a whole. And even that’s not guaranteed.
Then there’s the list itself, which is supposedly compiled from HP’s readers. Now I get that it wasn’t one person listing out these tidbits and that they came from a variety of people. What is so outrageous is that the author who culled the list believes that only married people can relate to the 20 gems he or she chose. The majority of the list is not solely reserved for married people at all. Having had or been in any variety of relationships could have you reading each and agreeing or understanding. Not to mention possessing a little bit of compassion and empathy, and uh, maybe just being a human being, and you could get it.
The first item talked about how monogamy may be boring, but it’s so much more fulfilling than being single. I think my head actually exploded at this. This is making assumptions, some insufferable. That marriage = monogamy. That monogamy = boring. That being single = unfulfilling. Oh, OK. The article got me there. I am single and therefore, my life couldn’t possibly be fulfilling. Only marriage can solve that for me. Fucking please.
A few items talked about how you can simultaneously love and be utterly annoyed or angry with or dislike someone at the same time. This is supposed to only apply to married couples? Umm, how about towards family members? Friends? There have been plenty of times I’ve loved someone, but not really liked them at the same time and I’m not married. Whoa there! How did that happen?
How about the little gold nugget of being able to forgive and move on? I’ve apparently been in the wrong my whole life and failed to understand that forgiveness only occurs in marriage. Oops. But hey, on the bright side, I don’t have to dole out any forgiveness until I’m married. So, kiss my ass, I forgive no one!
Then there’s companionship meaning more than sex. I wouldn’t know anything about that, you know, being a pet owner that doesn’t have sex with their pet. Or from hanging out with friends and family with whom I do not have the sex.
What about the concept of “forever”? Hmm, “forever”? I’m single, nope, never heard of that. What is it? Divorce lawyers can attest that fifty percent of married couples don’t know what it is either. At least I’m not alone in my ignorance.
“Picking your battles wisely” or sometimes having to choose between being right or having peace – I’m pretty sure this is not exclusive to marriage. I’ve had to let things go or waive being right in order the keep the peace. And I’d suggest that anyone who deals with children knows well how to pick their battles wisely.
Someone mentioned the need for space being normal and necessary. If there is anything I do know, it would be THIS. I understand the need for space. Give it to me and give me a lot of it.
How about marriage being great, but it’s hard work. Well, duh? But you know what also can be really great, but hard work? A lot of things! Cooking a whole Thanksgiving dinner by yourself. Training for a marathon. Raising kids. Holding a job. The list is endless and you don’t need to be married for many of them.
There’s the romantic who ponied up with “true love transcends everything else”. Aww, how fucking sweet. Because only married couples experience “true love”. It’s like some crazy conservative Christian wrote that…”there’s no such thing as true love outside of the sanctity of marriage!” Bitch, don’t even go there.
And you know, only married people understand the real definition of commitment. Well, according to the Oxford Dictionary, it is a noun and there are two definitions: 1. the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. and 2. (usually commitments) an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action. Given that I can read and comprehend basic sentences, I’d say that I understand the real definition of commitment.
Someone offered up that open bathroom doors are something to get used to. Umm, OK, I don’t get this. But I will never get this. Even if I am one day married, I will never agree to an open bathroom door policy. NEVER.
And lastly, marriage is nothing like dating. I’m pretty sure I understand the difference between the two. I think a lot of people do, married or not. That’s why one is called “marriage” and the other, “dating”. Thanks for the heads-up, Captain Obvi.