dead in the water

Some of you may have been wondering what happened with the OKC guy I was conversing with that showed potential.  Or you may not have.

Here’s where that stands…nowhere.  I lost interest after we spoke on the phone.  We talked for an hour.  The conversation flowed.  It was a fine conversation.  But there were some areas where I think we are not the most compatible.

  1. He doesn’t want kids.  He was talking about some health problems that his nephew is dealing with and made a comment that he didn’t want kids because he would never want to have to go through the same difficulties his sister goes through.  It is no secret that I want kids.  It says on my profile that I don’t have kids, but want them.  Of course there is risk with having children, but I want to take that risk.
  2. He said he doesn’t drink.  He doesn’t drink because he doesn’t see the point to it.  He doesn’t understand why people drink.  Though he doesn’t mind if the people around him are drinking, he just doesn’t.  I can respect that decision, but I really would like to be with someone who I can share a bottle of wine with over dinner.  Someone I can toast with on special occasions.  Someone who won’t look down on me if I come home loaded after a once-a-year-holiday-tradition-drink-fest with friends.  Most times, I don’t drink to get drunk.  While it happens sometimes, I mostly drink because I really like the taste of wine, beer, and various liquors.  They’re delicious.  The fact that I can get a little tipsy while drinking them is a bonus.
  3. He lied about his age.  Post-phone call, I saw him on another dating site that listed his age as 42 or 43.  On OKC, he is listed as 37 and without the disclaimer that some use in the written part that they “just want to turn up in more searches”.  What the fuck?  This is the biggest deal-breaker.  I seriously don’t understand why people lie about anything.  The truth will come out eventually.  I don’t lie about anything on my profile.  What you see/read is what you get.  I don’t think I need to and I just don’t want to.  Why would I state something that isn’t true?  I’m 37.  If you think that’s too old, that’s not my problem and I wish you luck with your search.  I’m 5’2.  Yes, I’m short.  Nothing I can do about it beyond wearing high heels.  I’m curvy; not skinny, but not overweight.  You can see from pictures what I look like.  I would never post a picture of me 15 lbs ago (and 15 yrs ago) and show up surprising you with my current body.  I fully realize that many people lie to appear more appealing online, but that’s not me.  And it’s not someone I want to date.  The clincher was that he mentioned that he hated it when anyone questioned his integrity.  I’m sorry?  You lie on one of two sites about your age and then you are going to get pissed if someone questions your honesty?  Not cool.  And for chrissakes, if you’re going to lie, don’t make it so easy to be caught.

There were other smaller things that I noticed during our phone call that led me to believe there might be issues down the road, if we were to start dating, but nothing that I couldn’t overlook at this point.  But those three main ones, especially the lying bit, is too much for me to ignore.  So, there you have it.  Mr. Potential is no more.

No other real stories lately.  I am not really being very active on either OKC or EHarm.  I’m just checking in and deleting and archiving and cleaning things up.  I haven’t been looking at profiles or emailing anyone.  I’m just kind of  bored with it right now.  Hopefully in the next week or two I’ll make more of an effort.  We’ll see.

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9 Comments

  1. I agree with you completely about not lying on profiles. That “coming up in more searches” justification sounds so ridiculous to me. If someone wants to search for ages 30-40, they’re saying that they don’t feel like viewing 43-year-olds right now – not even 43-year-olds who think they deserve to be counted as 37! And then there’s the question of which other things they might have felt were unnecessary to be honest about. It baffles me.

    • Yes to everything you said! 🙂

  2. annie

    About a year ago, I was emailing with a guy on Match. All of the sudden I noticed his age changed (from 41 to 43), but he never said anything. I asked him about it, and he said that he kept getting responses from much older women, and that he looks/acts young for his age. He said that he changed it because he wanted to be honest with me. I told him it was a deal breaker and I wasn’t willing to take a chance on him because he lied. He handled it very graciously and was accepting of my decision, he was actually appropriately embarrassed and sorry. Well here it is a year later, and he still lists his age as the correct age (now 44), I just rejoined and now I’m contemplating giving the guy another chance just because I think he did learn the lesson from me, and that he handled it so maturely. Any thoughts?

    • I think that if you want to give him another shot, that is your choice. Considering that you said he was appropriately embarrassed and sorry is a plus, however, I don’t like that he “told you” by way of just changing his age on the site, as opposed to actually telling you. What if you hadn’t gone back and viewed his profile and never noticed it? I can’t say that I would never give someone another chance, because I have. In your case, if everything else seemed right, then maybe. In my case, though, it was more than just him lying about his age (and shaving off 5 or 6 years at that!).

  3. I just started reading your blog, which is why I’m unfamiliar with this story. Did you go out with this guy or just talk to him on the phone?

    • We had just been emailing, texting for a couple weeks, then spoke on the phone once for an hour. It was after the phone call that I saw his profile on another site that showed a different age. He never disclosed this info on the phone or in any of the emails or texts. Not sure when he would have mentioned it if we had met up.

  4. Yikes. Yeah, I agree with you. If he starts off lying about such a minor thing, what else is he going to easily and constantly be dishonest about. Good riddance. And I agree about the drinking. My hubs hardly ever drinks, but he’s not against it, and he will have a beer or wine if we go out. I don’t think I could be with someone who doesn’t drink at all. It would be too weird. I’m with you, babe. Good call.

  5. lifeandothermisadventures

    The whether-or-not-to-have children thing is a complete dealbreaker. That’s just something you can’t work around.

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