punctuation optional (apparently)

Here are some more of those awesome generic emails:

“Hi there, how r u”   (YAWN)
“You re looking good, i would like to be your lovely friend.”   (He’d like to be my lovely friend…no, no, no, no, no.)
“Hello baby …. Love your eyes … Want meet you”    (Do not call me baby, you don’t know me – UGH.)
“Hello i’m keith, you look lovely Girl :)”   (Girl with a capital G, yet he doesn’t capitalize the K in his name.)
“Lets swim for it !”   (Swim for what???)
“hey good evening how are you doing today”   (Punctuation.  Such a small thing.  Periods and question marks are your friends.  Your lovely friends, even.)
“I looked at your profile and I’m feeling it. I’m thinking we should get to know each other, what do u think?”   (Ooo, he’s “feeling it” – yippee!  Too bad that I’m not.)
“Do you enjoy mutual masturbation?”   (What the???  Seriously?  Jesus.)
“Hi. My name is Leon. I read your profile and thought it was really interesting. You are a very beautiful and sexy women. I would definitely like to get to know you better.”   (Gee, thanks for all the compliments, Leon.  But this is so obviously a copy’n’paste job and it won’t get you anywhere.  At least not with me.)

This one is just a portion of a longer email he sent to me.  He did actually read my profile and mentioned a few things that I had written.  Points there.  However, then came this doozy of a paragraph.  Now, I appreciate the candor, but not quite the way to introduce yourself if you’re looking for something remotely serious, which I gather from this he most certainly is not.  Just a FYI, he did not have pictures in his profile, so obvi trolling anonymously for sex.  Which is his prerogative, but not what I want.  Well, not what I want with someone who I don’t know what they look like.
“I am a 37 year old D&D free single white male. When we meet I will stand in at 5’11” and an athletic 185lbs with sandy blond hair and deep hazel eyes. My interests run the gamut from exploring new food to long runs or bike rides to impulse trips both local and far and to intellectually stimulating conversation. I am looking for both a person I connect with (a witty ironic sense of humor) and a relationship of mutually highly satisfying sex. One of my faults is that I love to give and satisfy my partner more than I like to be satisfied. I love to give oral and truly love when my partner tells me never to stop (although I do have to, it is hard work.)”    (Hi, I don’t know you.  TMI!!!  But seriously, save that little nugget of information for the first date at the earliest.  Crikey.  Also, it is not a “fault” and don’t bitch about it being hard work, cause that’s really lame.  I’ve dated guys who loved giving more than receiving before and it’s awesome, not gonna lie.  But it’s far better to find this out in person, during “sexy times”, rather than in an email.  Just sayin’.)

I actually have been in contact with someone from OKCupid.  He emailed me a couple of weeks ago and referenced something I’d written in my profile, which is always welcome.  I wound up writing him back on the Monday before Sandy hit and we went back and forth all day.  The emails were nice.  He never once tried to direct the conversation towards being sexual.  A refreshing change from what transpired with LeDouche and Beefcake (speaking of, he keeps stalking my profile).  He emailed me early on Tuesday to see if I was doing okay, which I found pretty sweet.  More emails that day and then I gave him my number.  We’ve been texting for about a week now.  Again, it has been all normal stuff and I have yet to roll my eyes at what he writes.  He seems like a good guy so far.  He spent days last week and weekend volunteering on Staten Island.  He has two very cute dogs.  He’s pretty cute himself.  He’s my age.  He’s an artist, but has a steady job.  We haven’t met face-to-face yet, so we’ll see how that goes.  But so far, so good.  

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2 Comments

  1. Yes, those replies would bother me too. Good luck with the nice guy you have been chatting with. 🙂

  2. Ugh. “My one negative trait is that sometimes I am just too hard of a worker!” That is the worst.

    But yay for the possible good guy!! That’s so awesome. Fingers crossed for you.

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