wtf dating profile #1, part 2

Here’s some more of the cray-cray behind curtain #1.  Best part is that he issues a warning against TROLLS!  I’m sorry, but when you start putting out shit like this, you are most definitely “feeding trolls” and you have to expect backlash.  This isn’t even the worst of it.  That’s yet to come…


My Nº.1 OkCupid superpower is forgetting faces, so I’ll probably visit your profile at least twice before clicking the “Hide” button to make room for new ones. I often give four-star ratings to assuage my dismay that most profiles offer precious little worth writing about. There’s also another reason that I mention further down.

My Nº.2 OkCupid superpower is Hiding profiles, so if you’ve visited before, I’ve probably hidden yours and will have no idea if you come back to finish reading before sending your first message (which I count as the second overall, in response to this profile)… cyberstalk at your leisure. Beware the fact that my profiles tend to disappear mostly at random, so message me sooner than later.

The Obligatory Anti-Troll Notice

I do not feed trolls. Those who seek to brainlessly argue or offer unasked-for “critique” of this profile would do better for themselves (and a favor to the rest of us) by finding a new hobby. That’s about as many words and seconds as I have available for the multitude of desperately attention-starved souls who haunt OkCupid. Good thing that hungry ghosts can’t harm the living. And so, moving on…


Moratorium on “star ratings”: 99% of star ratings given in the past have resulted in… an ego boost for her, and not much else. I’ve never known what to do with four-star ratings, either. Thank her politely? Ask her what drove her to give me stars? Return the favor as if I owed her something? I mean, stars are stars. They’re shiny, bright, they live in the sky and they’re made of the Universe. It’s a big deal when someone gives you stars.

So, consider any further four- or five-stars as a test of your “self-inflation rate”, to extend the words of a certain young lady from not so long ago. Although I suppose that if people walked up to each other at random in real life and handed out yellow cardboard stars, it wouldn’t be any less or more odd than it is online… in any case, messages are better, in that they actually have the potential to communicate.

Consider this my first message to you: Read from the links above and message me when you feel the urge… given that your profile is mostly likely fairly empty, and probably receives a mailboxfull of generic “hi” messages, I don’t bother adding to the pile unless an idea spontaneously arises from something you’ve written. Don’t rely on being in my “Visitors” list and hope that I’ll write to tell you how cute you are (too many prettily made-up and Instagrammed faces on this site — they tend to blend together anyway). Read what I’ve left for you here and tell me one thing that comes to mind. There is more than enough material to play with and come up with a reply.

I prefer an uncensored ramble to an eloquent quotation, passionately scatterbrained and carelessly unspellchecked sentences in lieue of a carefully curated work of self-conscious prose, and an emotionally engaged page of thoughts rather than a couple of witty words meant to inspire awe or provoke a response. In other words, perfection is boring. Be you. And above all, don’t try so hard. Breathe. Read. Write.



  1. He obviously wants people to troll him. His profile has been posted on other blogs. He’s looking for attention,not dates.

    • He’s a sociopath looking for his next victim. Ugh.

  2. Was the use of the misspelled word “lieue” to prove a point on embracing the uncensored rambling, carelessly not spell checked prose? *the eye rolls here are so great that I look like an epileptic reading these excerpts*

    • Perhaps. His constant use of run-on sentences makes my head spin. So, on top of the eye-rolling, my head is spinning around like Regan’s from The Exorcist.

  3. Kathrynn

    He’s calling the women attention-starved? Hello pot, meet kettle. You guys will be great friends.

  4. I feel as if I need to write a long and formal apology letter (on behalf of REAL men) to women everywhere for this guy merely existing.

    • Don’t be a hater. Or is that a troll? I’m a silly girl and get all confused! Giggle.

    • Matthew, any woman in her right mind knows that this poor excuse of a human isn’t what a REAL man is. You need not bother trying to apologize for him. We know you, real men, are out there. Some of us have even met one or two of you before 🙂

  5. Be you. Yeah, so he can hunt you down, stalk you, then wear your skin as a suit. Brrrrrr. I get chills reading what this guy writes . . . and not in a good sexy way.

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