crazy is as crazy does

As I’m thinking more and more, I’m becoming acutely aware that as I bring to light the essence of being that is Asshat, I am coming across as the craziest mo-fo on earth.  Because I would clearly have to be certifiable to have lasted 15 months with this person, whose portrait I paint so vividly.

You know what?  I was a little crazy.  Love will do that to ya.  But ahhh [cue the angels singing], the clouds parted and I saw the light.  And began to see him in the true, harsh, unfiltered light of reality.  And once the love blinders came off, I did not like what I saw.

He did have redeeming qualities.  That’s why I loved him.  He probably never meant to hurt me.  We did have some excellent times.  The majority of the time, it wasn’t horrible, even when the relationship went down hill.  But I waxed poetic about all that during the relationship.  Now that it’s over, well, no need to wax on.

I also want to address the fact that I am most likely coming across as the most bitter biotch on the planet.  Am I bitter?  Umm, yeah, to an extent.  I am a 37 year-old single woman.  I’ve lived through enough heartache to be bitter.  Am I a biotch?  Of course…when it’s warranted.  I’d like to think that in my every day life I am quite pleasant to be around.  But I do have a ‘hard’ side with a wicked and sharp tongue that can rub some the wrong way.  And if you haven’t caught on, I’m quite opinionated (though I hope to everything dear in this world, that I am and will always be considered open-minded).  I’m opinionated when it comes to ass-backwards stuff and this debacle qualifies.

For the most part, I will treat you as you treat me.  If you play nice, I’ll play nice.  And if you cross me, there will be hell to pay.

I know I am painting an extremely unflattering picture of who Asshat is.  And everything I’ve said is true.  But it’s not all that he is.  He is someone who I once loved and thought I would be ‘living happily ever after’ with.  And that person was a good person, warts and all.  He wasn’t an awful person.  He was just awful for me.  I couldn’t handle his all-consuming neediness and he surely couldn’t handle my bitter, bitchy, cold, black heart.  While there are plenty of things that I don’t like about him, maybe this woman loves them.  What I consider shortcomings, she welcomes.  If that’s the case, then they belong together.

I really don’t wish ill on him or his wife or whomever in their lives.  They really don’t play any part in my life anymore, aside from providing hopefully entertaining blog fodder.  I’m just venting because it does hurt a little and blogging makes it feel better.  If it makes me come across as cray-cray, then so be it.  I guess I am a little cray-cray.

However, and this can go on record, I will NEVER be as cray-cray as Mr. and Mrs. Asshat.  And if they are equally cray-cray, then they are a match made in crazytown heaven.

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4 Comments

  1. At some point in life almost everyone ends up bitter about something. No one lives in a microcosm. Whether because we are dealt a hand weighed heavily on the “unfair” side of life or because we really bought into some magical, happily ever after life. I recall during your 15 month stretch commenting on another post about him and my feelings on the situation. Not entirely sure my instinct counts for much but when you two finally called it quits I thought, “Thank god! She is better off. Nothing should be this troublesome so soon.”

  2. It’s your blog! You can vent if you want to. 🙂

    • Thanks, Evie. I feel like you poor souls just get tired of hearing about it!

      • Nah. If we did…we’d quit reading. 😉

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