my gift to you

Alas, dear readers, you are in for a treat!  Here I am with a pseudo-dating blog and I’m not really talking about dating or men.  Well, I’m not dating at the moment, but I do have some juicy stuff about men!  Most notably ex-boyfriends.  Or at least one in particular.  One that if you’ve been reading for a while are sure to be so sick of hearing his name (or nickname).  I swear, I cross-my-heart-pinky swear that after I’m done with writing about him as a topic, I will really BE done, but you’re gonna have to put up with for a bit.

Soooooooooooooo, as you can guess, this is about St. Elmo.  I believe that that is too good a name for him now, so I will refer to him as Asshat (fitting and considering that Google has immortalized him as that in my Talk archive, it will be).

Now Asshat and I have not been Facebook friends since mid-February.  He defriended me right after he probably received the package in the mail of all the leftover crap he left at my place.  He probably saw that my sending him the rest of his stuff as a sign (and it was sort of) that I was completely moving on and cutting all ties and done with him.  But that was also the week that Bestie went through the worst possible thing ever and when I let him know what was going on, via email, he never responded.  This majorly pissed me off.  You don’t even know the extent of the anger toward him and the grief I felt for Bestie.  Needless to say, I was highly emotional that week and the next.

You all know that mid-March I found out that he had changed his profile pic to a couple pic of him and whom I presumed to be his new girlfriend.  If you’re wondering how I saw that he changed it, it is because I still have FB messages from him.  If I go into my mailbox, I see his mug.

What you don’t know is that on St. Patrick’s Day, I was highly intoxicated and fired off an email to him ripping him a new one for his lack of compassion and empathy not just towards me, but towards Bestie.  He got the email, responded with a lame one and one day later, changed his FB pic.  The picture change, of course, led to a whole other stream of emotions and thoughts and thus the Dear St. Elmo series (#1, #2, #3, #4).  There might be more in this series.  But with a whole different tone.  Stay tuned.

Well, now we can fast forward to today.  Tuesday, August 7th, 2012.

I’m in my message inbox and notice yet another profile pic change.

Come on, you know where this is leading.

I mean how can it not?  My life, particularly my love life, is a complete and total shit show.

And you’re welcome, dear readers, for providing you with soap opera worthy stories!

Oh, yeah, back to this story.

So, today I notice that his picture has changed to that of him and the little lady…on their wedding day!

Who didn’t guess that????  No one?  That’s right.  Because my love life (or non-existent or former one) exists in an alternate universe.  This shit does not happen to normal people.

Can we get a round of “Congrats!” and “Best Wishes” for the happy couple?  No?  Oh, good, you’re on my side 🙂

How about a round of “WHAT THE FUCK?“?  Everyone, all at once…WHAT…THE…FUCK?

I’m going to leave it at this for right now, cause I’m still in shock and trying to process this.  But rest assured that I have much to say about this.



  1. You definitely win today’s “That’s F*cked Up” contest.

    • You know what? This doesn’t come as that much of a surprise, me knowing my life (love life) as it is. I’ve just come to expect shit like this.

  2. Oh my. That’s just messed up. I hope that you have since deleted said inbox messages so that you need not be tortured by the upcoming baby pics??? Ugggh. Sorry you had to see that!!! Hugs!

  3. Well, given this is my real name on this and the things I CAN say are numerous I shall leave you with this which I am sure you will understand: Don’t ever buy a pig when the sausage sampler is free…

  4. Oooh, I can’t wait until he posts his divorce decree in 6 months after their ‘premature’ baby is born! Damn Amy, I’m sorry. That’s totally fucked up. Kinda thinking you dodged a HUGE bullet in him. What a piece of work…….

    • It’s funny, chatting with Bestie, we were wondering if there is a bambino on the way, cause it’s SO fast. Talking less than 7 months after the end of us. I’m not positive there’s a baby on the way, but I wouldn’t rule it out. I mean we all know he goes from 0 to warp speed in relationships. But even this is crazy fast, so a baby may not be such an outrageous bet. And if she is preggers and that’s why they married, what are the freakin chances that THIS SHIT HAPPENS TO ME TWICE IN TWO FREAKIN YEARS???????

      • I mean, it’s slightly different this time, we weren’t together and he wasn’t cheating on me…but still.

  5. WHAT THE FUCK??? Holy shit balls!! I’m sorry, not just that this happened to you…but that HE happened to you at all. What a jackass!!!

    • Thanks, Evie. I used to look back sorta fondly on our relationship. Umm, not so much anymore.

      • That seems to be happening to lots of folks lately. 😦

  6. W.T.F. I saw my ex in person the day after his wedding…at Olive Garden…cracked me up.

    • I did laugh out loud yesterday at the sheer absurdity of the whole thing. Laughing is my better option in a range of emotions.

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