dear st. elmo #4

I’ve been spending a lot of time ruminating over everything wrong with the two of us together.  And it’s really kinda a downer.

Even if there are some days when I think my life would have been better/easier had I never met you, I don’t for one hot second regret everything we had and have gone through.  I wouldn’t trade it.  There are many times when I wish I could go through an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind type reprogramming, but in the end, I want to remember.  Because along with remembering all the bad (which is teaching me something), I can remember the good (which gives me hope).

There were certainly gifts and life lessons that came out of our relationship.  The most important thing that came out of our relationship was simply love.

Our relationship showed me that I have the capacity to love and love deeply.  It’s not that I haven’t loved before, but keeping someone at arms distance to save myself from future heartbreak was the way I operated.  I wasn’t as open to let guys know how I felt about them.  I didn’t let myself love someone – body, mind and soul – so completely.

Our relationship also showed me that I can receive love deeply.  I had every self doubt regarding my capability to love and be loved.  You showed me that I can do both.



  1. OMG, this post spoke to me on levels I cannot describe. I worry right now I’ll never trust again, yet I don’t regret for one minute, one second, the love I gave him. Thank you for such an uplifting and true post. I think you and me are a lot alike. And I hope you are okay.

    • Aww, thank you! I am better and I am going to be just fine. So will you!!! I went through the wringer this past year, but it helped open my eyes and let me feel love that I never thought I’d have or be able to feel. xoxo

      • This gives me hope. I’m a firm believer in hope. Thank you doll!

  2. Could have written this word for word about my own St Elmo. Hope things are looking up for you!

    • Sorry for the late reply, but thanks for the comment. I am healing and every day is better. Hoping the same for you!


  1. my gift to you « adventures in babysitting…men

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