blah blah blah

That’s what I hear inside my head.  And now, you will get to hear it!

It’s been awhile since I blogged about what’s going on in my head.  Work has been super busy.  I’ve no time to blog at work (dammit!), but I do sneak in breaks here and there to read others.

So, more than two months have gone by since the end of the end of that relationship.  I can honestly say that I’ve been good.  I’ve had my moments, but it’s more that I am just so beaten down about love in general, but I’m not sad about him.  I know what you’re all gonna say, but I really am just so tired and sick of looking for love.  It’s such an exhausting feeling that instantly makes my heart sink when I think about going through the whole process again.  I’m in no way mourning the loss of him anymore.  Just mourning the loss of the dream.  And loss of the hope.

I think it might have been last week when I started to think about him and asked myself, “if he wanted to get back together, would you?”  My answer, without much thought, was “no, no way”.  There’s been way too much that has happened.  I didn’t think he treated me with the respect I deserved toward the end.  He said some things that were pretty mean to me.  I don’t and won’t forgive that.

You may wonder why I am writing about him again…well, I noticed on Facebook (we are not friends) that his profile picture is one of him and some woman.  Uh, like a couple pic.  Really?  Already?  My stomach did turn into a few knots upon seeing the pic, but other than that…nothing.  No tears, not even a sniffle.  I think I’m just shocked (and I don’t know why I am so shocked) that he’s already in a relationship that is solid enough to post a couple pic.  Whatever.

Seeing the picture inspired me to start a series on here.  Writing “letters” to him.  I don’t have any intention of contacting him ever again, but who knows if he’s still creeping around and reading this blog.  He might be.  He’s probably not.  But who knows?  If he is, well then he’ll see them.  I kinda want to do it just to get out what I’ve been holding in for so long.  Say it and then let it go.  Tomorrow will be my first “letter” post.

Anyways, I hope everyone is enjoying the first day of spring!  The weather has been phenomenal so far and I’m so glad that spring is finally here (on the calendar and in the weather/temps)!

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3 Comments

  1. Esme

    Open letters are a great way to heal. I can’t wait to read them! :)

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