the count keeps climbing higher

And my self-morale gets a bit lower.

Since I’ve last touched on this subject, another two of my friends and another cousin have announced their pregnancies.  Yay!?  The total now comes to 10 friends or family members who are expecting.  And that doesn’t include the 5 babies born within the past 6 months.

I’m happy for them all, I really am.

I just want that too.

And kill me cause at my annual lady-parts doctor appointment, she asked me if I had any plans for pregnancy soon, cause you know my eggs are shriveling up as I type this.  Instead of bursting into tears and shouting “I’m probably never going to have the family I want!” I was able to show some restraint and muttered “Umm, not yet.”  All the while slowing dying a painful lonely death as a single-mid-30’s pathetic cat lady.

<sigh>

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12 Comments

  1. Vdogg

    Massive hugs. But don’t write it off just yet. You don’t know what is around the corner. Plus, people have children way older than you. Xx ps I’ve virtually given up having expectations for the future. I’m just trying to be happy as I am and take each day as it comes xx

    • Thanks for the encouragement. I’m not writing it off just yet, but considering 37 is creeping up on me, I’m trying to also mentally prepare myself for ‘settling’ for being a really good Auntie Amy to all my friends kids. And learning that being forever single without my own family is not a death sentence. It’s a tough pill to swallow when the only thing in my life I’ve ever been sure of is that I want to raise a family and it might not happen.

      • Vdogg

        Weirdly enough I had always thought having a baby was the only thing I wanted in life (I’m not saying that’s the same for you, but it’s obviously a massive life goal for you) then when the opportunity actual arose, I couldn’t go through with it. I realised that just having a baby wouldn’t solve things (again, that’s just me and my issues, not you at all! X). Am starting to see that life is what you make it and things don’t always go how you expect.
        On the off chance you don’t have a baby before 40, would you consider adoption? I know I am. Lots of children out there in need of love xx

        • I’m not in the mindset that it’s my only life goal. It’s just always been something that I’ve known I want and been sure of. I know that my life will be fulfulling in its own way if the family thing doesn’t happen for me, but it is something that I dream of. I’ve learned, as has most everybody else out there, that life doesn’t go as planned 95% of the time and you learn to roll with the punches as they come. I’m just trying to do that, while keeping my dreams going, but mentally preparing for them not coming true.

          I hate coming across like a downer on here, as if I’ve abandoned the dream. I haven’t. But I’ve just also learned that my head can’t stay up in the clouds and reality is pushing me back down to earth all the time.

          Yes, I’ve definitely put adoption at the top of my list. After all, I am adopted (as are my two older brothers). But I also understand that financially, I am not in any position to adopt by myself. Nor am I really financially comfortable to raise a child by myself without having family living near me to help out with childcare. Hopefully, in 5 years, that will all be different for me. It’s just out of reach right now.

          Thank you so much for your comments. I really appreciate them 🙂

  2. wherethedaytakesme

    Don’t sell yourself short. You may be down now, but it’s not going to go on forever, as for kiddos, keep the faith alive woman, God does wonders.

    • Thank you. I know it’ll all wind up being what it’s meant to be for me and I’ll make of it what I need to be happy.

  3. Amy

    Oh man… I totally hear ya. I was at a baby shower for my cousin’s wife recently and I sat there thinking- omg, when is this ever going to happen for meeee!?!?! I feel like I’ve always been the ‘single girl’. Boo. Time to find a man!

  4. I’m totally with you on this. Except for me it’s not just pregnancies, it’s engagements, too. Just when I thought I was the only person I knew who was unwed and childless, someone else pops up announcing their engagement or pregnancy.

    And I’m really happy for them.

    I’m just ready for my turn.

    • Luckily(?) for me, most of my friends (and younger cousins) are already married. I’m past that wave already. Now it’s all the baby train. All the time. Every which way I look.

  5. Amy! My heart breaks for you and at the same time can completely relate. I went home for our family Christmas where my brother and sister-in-law announced they’re pregnant with baby #2. JUST what I needed to hear around the holidays…when I was by myself Christmas Day. Ugh.

    And we’ve discussed this before…but we couldn’t be MORE on the same page regarding adopting/being a single parent. I completely understand your reasoning. And, if you want to HAVE a baby, then that’s something that should happen for you/us. I really hope it’s in the plan. I’m coming up on 35 and feel like my eggs are shriveling as well.

    We’ll keep our fingers crossed together!

    • Fingers are crossed!!!

      xoxo

  6. In 2004 at age 31, I had a tumor removed from my cervix. While it is possible for me to get pregnant, completing a pregnancy is incredibly high-risk. I tell people I can’t get pregnant because I don’t want to even think it’s possible and get my hopes up. I thought at my age I’d be married by now but I’m not and it’s not looking like I will any time soon. I’ve talked to my OBGYN about IVF and even if I go through menopause within the next few years, I can indeed get pregnant. I just don’t have the 15K to freeze my eggs. I also can’t decide to get an anonymous donor or ask someone I know. And do I want to do this on my own?

    I’ve (almost) accepted my situation but I want you to know that you’re not alone in your feelings or situation. Lots of us are out there with the same desires and stumbling blocks. Right now, for me, it’s about finding the happiness in my life and making the most of it. I wish things were different but a wish is a wish. I’m on your side.

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