admitting i need help
From the title of this post, you are probably thinking, “yeah, homegirl needs some serious help, and finally, she’s admitting it.” (oh lordy, did I really just call myself ‘homegirl’?). Yes, I do need help, mostly in the mental capacity, however, this is about needing help doing physical things, because sometimes I just can’t.
There are so many independent women on here reading this, that I know you can all relate to my problem.
I have difficulty asking for help. Or just sitting back and letting someone do something for me, even if I am incapable of doing it myself. I don’t ever want to feel like I am burdening someone, even if I know I’m not.
I’ve identified this in myself before, but it has never become more apparent than this past 10 days as I’ve wobbled around with a sprained ankle.
At work on last Monday, when the sprain was *fresher*, my coworkers were all doting and telling me that they would go get me ice and ace bandages (at the drugstore across the street) and get me lunch. Of course, I wouldn’t let them do anything for me. I had to do it myself. Why? Because I’m a dumb dumb. And I’m ridiculously stubborn.
This past weekend, I had to do laundry. Unfortunately, I live in a walk-up apt building and the laundry is in the basement. Picture me hefting a heavy laundry basket down 3 flights of stairs, all the while leaning on the wall for support and cursing under my breath with each painful step. I surely could have called a friend to help me. Did I? Course not, it’s that whole stubborn thing again.
I am trying my best to let go of this feeling. Let go of being a stubborn SOB. Let go of feeling like I’m a burden.
In one way I am kind of improving…I’m getting much better at relying on those taller than me to reach for things on high shelves. In the past, I would break out my step-ladder at home even if someone taller was present. In a store, I would climb up on something (I’ve no shame in climbing up on top of a dairy case) to get whatever it was I wanted. Instead, I’ve learned to ask a taller person to reach for whatever it is I need to get down.
I’m trying to not to do everything myself and come across as a control freak (cause that’s really how it probably appears). Like if I’m entertaining at home and something needs to be retrieved from the kitchen, I am trying to give into others’ offers to go get it, so I don’t need to be on *hosting* duties among friends/family. I’m trying to adopt the “Mi casa es tu casa” mantra…
I still need to learn to let others carry my bags, especially if they are heavy. I have that mentality that I am more than capable of lugging my own crap and don’t want to put someone else out (that whole being a burden thing). I’ve honed wonderful sherpa-like abilities, it almost seems silly not to take advantage of them – just kidding. This is an area I am trying to improve.
I can’t do everything. Nobody can. I need to allow people to help me. I need to ask for help when I need it (even if it only happens during those times I am sick or injured). I need to let myself be taken care of.