admitting i need help

From the title of this post, you are probably thinking, “yeah, homegirl needs some serious help, and finally, she’s admitting it.”  (oh lordy, did I really just call myself ‘homegirl’?).  Yes, I do need help, mostly in the mental capacity, however, this is about needing help doing physical things, because sometimes I just can’t.

There are so many independent women on here reading this, that I know you can all relate to my problem.

I have difficulty asking for help.  Or just sitting back and letting someone do something for me, even if I am incapable of doing it myself.  I don’t ever want to feel like I am burdening someone, even if I know I’m not.

I’ve identified this in myself before, but it has never become more apparent than this past 10 days as I’ve wobbled around with a sprained ankle.

At work on last Monday, when the sprain was *fresher*, my coworkers were all doting and telling me that they would go get me ice and ace bandages (at the drugstore across the street) and get me lunch.  Of course, I wouldn’t let them do anything for me.  I had to do it myself.  Why?  Because I’m a dumb dumb.  And I’m ridiculously stubborn.

This past weekend, I had to do laundry.  Unfortunately, I live in a walk-up apt building and the laundry is in the basement.  Picture me hefting a heavy laundry basket down 3 flights of stairs, all the while leaning on the wall for support and cursing under my breath with each painful step.  I surely could have called a friend to help me.  Did I?  Course not, it’s that whole stubborn thing again.

I am trying my best to let go of this feeling.  Let go of being a stubborn SOB.  Let go of feeling like I’m a burden.

In one way I am kind of improving…I’m getting much better at relying on those taller than me to reach for things on high shelves.  In the past, I would break out my step-ladder at home even if someone taller was present.  In a store, I would climb up on something (I’ve no shame in climbing up on top of a dairy case) to get whatever it was I wanted.  Instead, I’ve learned to ask a taller person to reach for whatever it is I need to get down.

I’m trying to not to do everything myself and come across as a control freak (cause that’s really how it probably appears).  Like if I’m entertaining at home and something needs to be retrieved from the kitchen, I am trying to give into others’ offers to go get it, so I don’t need to be on *hosting* duties among friends/family.  I’m trying to adopt the “Mi casa es tu casa” mantra…help yourself.

I still need to learn to let others carry my bags, especially if they are heavy.  I have that mentality that I am more than capable of lugging my own crap and don’t want to put someone else out (that whole being a burden thing).  I’ve honed wonderful sherpa-like abilities, it almost seems silly not to take advantage of them – just kidding.  This is an area I am trying to improve.

I can’t do everything.  Nobody can.  I need to allow people to help me.  I need to ask for help when I need it (even if it only happens during those times I am sick or injured).  I need to let myself be taken care of.

Sigh

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7 Comments

  1. Porkpiesandheartache

    Woah, your ankle sounds really painful:( I hope it gets better soon. I know what you mean about feeling like a burden, but that’s what friends are for. You would help your friends wouldn’t you! X

    • Oh, yes, I would absolutely be there for my friends in all hours of the night/day. That’s why I need to lean on them more (and not just in the capacity of them listening to me). This ankle, though getting better each day, is still a serious bugger! I’m just so annoyed it’s messing with my daily life.

  2. Ugh, good luck. One day at a time, honestly. I think you may be a little too hard on yourself!! Hang in there ok?

    • Thanks, I am hanging in there. It’s just so hard being physically held back by a stupid ankle! Ugh. But on the other hand, I have the perfect *excuse* to be a lazy bum and let my running lapse…

  3. You are right, I think a lot of your readers can relate to this, including me. When I had my minor surgery, I was laid up on the couch. A few friends brought meals and stayed with me…and I felt so guilty. Like, “how DARE I put them out and let them do something nice for me when I’m injured!” It’s silly, I’d do it for them, simple as that. I think the longer you’re single, the more independent you become (because you HAVE to be) and then you are bad at asking for or accepting help. It’s good that you recognize it and are going to try and be better about it. Continued healing for your ankle!

  4. prettylittlereckless

    Oh I hear ya here. I broke my foot in college (I wasn’t drunk I swear!) and I was in a cast/crutches for several weeks. It suuuuucked, but I refused to let people help me. I lived in a house, where the bedrooms were up 2 flights of stairs. I refused help though. I agree- I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I spent the entire several weeks doing it all on my own and I’m perfectly ok with that 🙂

    I struggle more when people think I can’t do something because I’m a girl. idk. I’d still rather struggle sometimes then let someone do something for me.

  5. Grey Goose, Dirty

    Amy, I’m exactly like you. I never ask for help. With anything. I view it, for me, as a sign of weakness, so I just don’t. I too have been trying to break myself of this mindset as you’re right, no one person can do absoultely everything.

    In my craptastic 2nd job, I finally gave in last week. Called my boss and told him I needed help. Sure, I felt like a big ole’ loser for not being able to get everything done on my own, but ya’ know what? We’re only human. No one pointed and laughed at me when I walked in this morning, no one snickered or talked behind my back. Everyone needs help every now and again and others are more than willing to offer assistance.

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