standing on my own

I was very fortunate enough to find this wonderful blog post by Jeannie, about being alone, over at The Awakened Life.

Because of my single status for much of my life, I am very comfortable with being alone.  I don’t feel the overwhelming need to fill my days and nights with social activities that have me around people all the time.

I’ve traveled by myself.
I’ve flown halfway around the world by myself.
I’ve eaten out in public by myself.
I’ve wandered museums by myself.
I’ve gone to the top of the Eiffel Tower by myself.
I haven’t gone to the movies alone yet, but more because I hardly ever go to the movies.
I’ve lived mostly alone for the past 14 years (post-college).

I know who I am because of my aloneness.  I like who I am because of my aloneness.  I am who I am because of my aloneness.  It’s made me independent.  It’s made me self-sufficient.  It’s made me stronger.  It’s made me able to stand, by myself, on my own two feet and face the world.

The thing is, is that I had to learn how to be okay with being alone.  I didn’t have a choice.  I kind of hate not being able to have a say in the matter.  I don’t like not having options.

But I am so ready to let go of that aloneness.  I’ve had it for a long time.  I want to have someone next to me.  I no longer want to be alone.

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10 Comments

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty

    and you won’t be, Amy. He’s out there and all the shit you’ve gone through will just make you appreciate him all the more. You deserve to be happy and get everything you want in life. We all do (okay, some more than others 😉 ).

    It’s just one of the few things that we CAN’T control ……. the timeline in which we meet them …… dammit

    • Thanks, Grey. I will be much more appreciative when he’s standing by my side. “I want it NOW!” though (in my best Veruca Salt voice).

  2. prettylittlereckless

    meeeee too. This new guy friend I’ve started talking with asked if I ever get lonely (he’s going through some relationship stuff himself) and at first I was like- noooo, I have tons of friends and great family etc but the more I think about his question, the more it bothers me. I’m tired of coming home alone, it’d be nice to have someone to sleep next to etc. I agree with Grey Goose Dirty’s comment. I think when we find these guys- we’ll appreciate ’em even more. Hang in there. I know I am 🙂

    • I’m trying to hang in there…it’s tough. But I miss it* so much.

      *It being going home from work with him. Waking up next to him. Snuggling on the couch watching a movie with him. Spending lazy days with him walking around the city. Being with him.

  3. Thank you so much for linking back to my post. I loved what you wrote and am glad that my post resonated with you as well. I particularly loved these lines:

    “I know who I am because of my aloneness. I like who I am because of my aloneness. I am who I am because of my aloneness.”

    Very powerful. I feel the same way. And I too, like you, am ready to not be alone. But the good news is that when we do find that right person, we will be able to stand in the certainty that it is NOT because we are incapable of being alone. That in itself makes it all worth it. 🙂

    • Thanks, Jeannie. I loved your post. You are so right in that we are sure of ourselves and because of that, we will be with the right person for the right reasons.

  4. Great post, Amy! I couldn’t agree with you more!

    I feel like I do know myself so much better than many of my married friends. I’ve had to become comfortable with a night in by myself, or eating alone.

    We deserve to meet great guys who we can appreciate and enjoy our time with. Here’s hoping we find them!

    • Hear, hear (on finding our great guys)!

  5. firecracker3

    Reading this and the comments made me think about a post I did on this and still months later I realize it still doesn’t bother me to do things alone or go home to an empty house, or even have a pet. I not to say there are not moments but they don’t seem to last long. It will be interesting to see where all of are and how we feel 3 years from now and the 5 after that… 🙂 I am thankful everyday for starting a blog and finding people like you. The support and thought-provoking discussions are wonderful!

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