parenthood ain’t for everybody

After a fellow blogger posted an interesting article on Facebook about how child-free couples are becoming a norm, it fueled the fire within me to find out more.  I came across another article that was published this past Monday, in which it challenged women to really ask themselves probing questions to help them decide if motherhood is for them or not.

As you can imagine, the comments were varied and plentiful.  Both sides (pro-mommyhood and pro-non-mommyhood) duked it out.  Below, in my opinion, is one rather closed-minded, naive, WTF (not to mention misspelled and often grammatically incorrect) comment and then what I believe to be a very well-written retort.

“Personally I think it’s unnatural to never want children. Forget socially, from a purely biological standpoint, we are here to reproduce. Look at female and male bodies. What are breasts for? No they are not fun-bags for men. They are sweat-glads designed to nurse offspring. In other words babies. What are the vagina and uterus for? What are the penis and testicles for? Hell what is sex for? Literally our bodies( female and male) are designed with children in mind. I also don’t agree in the least bit that a person never hears the ole bio clock tick. ALL mammals have the urge to have children. So what I think happens is you DO hear it. The child-free( as they like to call themselves) just ignore it.

Here’s the thing though just because we can make any choice we want doesn’t make them the right one.I’m sure a lot of people would love NOT to go to college and still in the long run make six figure incomes,but unless your name is Bill Gates what is the likelihood of the happening. That degree might be hard and boring as hell to some to get,but you do it because in the long run it turns out to be a very good thing. That’s just one example. It’s the same with children. In the short run 20 and 30’s not having the responsibility of children seems great. However, I truly believe that the childfree will wake up one day nearing 50, and say opps should have had a child. Then that soul crushing regret will come in.

With a man all is not lose though. They make fresh sperm everyday so they can be 60 and still have children. It’ll just have to be with a younger women. However, with women once you hit 40 it’s pretty much over, and anything over that then it pretty much becomes impossible health wise. Then once menopause hits it is over.

Is your money going to keep you company in your old age? Or on your death bed? Or your monthly trips to France. Do you enjoy hugging your computer screen? Most normal people would prefer hugging a baby, and having memories of them and their grandchildren.

Also nice try with the myth that you can’t do anything once you have children. In fact you can. It’s just a tad bit more time consuming. Not impossible. Something tells me having fun with family beats being alone or just with your spouse.Family of Two? No such thing.

Speaking of normal(or not in this case) I’ve noticed both in real life and on the net that most child-free people seem to have emotional/psychological problems, and they seem to be introverts as well. Seems to be to much of a coincidence.

Also the child-free seem to like to fake astonishment when parents or childless people comment on the weirdness vie bingos( their word for the *meanness* of parents or people who want children and just don’t have them yet) of them deliberately opting out of a natural human act. Yea go figure right. How dare these people make curious comments on you purposely doing something that is so against being human.

Also yes you are selfish. They love to say how can I be selfish to something that doesn’t exist. Nice try. You’re being selfish to your parents for one. I’m sure most took the news that their child(ren) didn’t want to have any of their own well. I’m being sarcastic by the way. Then there’s God, society, etc. All of your reasons are selfish. Every last one of them. You could argue that a parents desire for a child(ren) is as well,but then the act of PARENTING is not though.

There’s a reason infertile people feel a soul crushing sadness that they can’t have children, and are willing to pay thousands for IVF to be able to have even one. They know that it’s unnatural that their bodies are betraying them like this. Child-free people you don’t feel that sadness( or try to delude yourself that you don’t)but you will, and It will be your own fault when it happens.

If nothing is wrong with your reproductive bits,and you deliberately decide not to have children then I suggest a trip to a psychiatrist is in order. You need to figure out what’s wrong with you mentally to find the reason you want to forgo on purpose a very human and completely nature act.

Stop trying to play the victim here.The only reason society will keep getting on your case about this is because biologically you are unnatural. You chose to do something against the norm of humanity, and so you must be prepared to suffer the consequences of it.”

And the response:

Taylor, I have never called someone out online before, it’s a first and it’s not because you personally think it’s unnatural to not want to have children but because you then got so personal regarding that choice. How dare you?

It’s not NATURAL these days for people to live to be 70/80/90/100 years old. It’s not NATURAL for people to have multiple kids that live to see their 4th birthday. It’s not NATURAL for men and women to be sexually monogamous. It’s not NATURAL to eat a lot of meat, our ancestors only ate meat when they could catch it as it wasn’t in refrigerators wrapped in plastic.

However, it IS NATURAL for the ‘cavewoman’ in me to try and kill any other female competition for a mate that I have my eye on, or forcibly take what I want from someone weaker than me. If we let the ‘cavewoman’ in us dictate all our actions, we would ALL be considered sociopaths by today’s standards.

Why do we have an appendix? Because man has evolved. And don’t you dare throw God and the Bible around like that. Seriously, there’s enough problems in the world because some small group was deluded in thinking that THEY know God’s agenda. Why do we have inventions like the airplane? If God had intended us to fly, by your logic, he would have given us wings. In the Bible, women slept with their dads to get to ‘carry on the bloodline’ (Lot), girls of 12 were married to old men against their will. 200 or so years ago, you could buy a human being and women were nothing but baby machines bought and sold – by men, to men. Hell, rape has only been a crime against a woman for 98 years (the crime HAD been against the father or husband for essentially devaluing his property) and marital rape wasn’t even a crime until the 1980’s. Women were glorified livestock for a very LONG time. We’ve only just got our freedom in the last 30-40 years! Why can’t we make our choices about our bodies, what they are capable of and decide what we do with our ‘equipment’ – and then respect other women who make different ones? Why can’t you? I get it – you’re proud and happy to be a mother. That’s brilliant. I’m also proud to have been true to MYSELF.

Don’t presume what someone will or won’t regret, that’s so arrogant. In my circle, which is obviously a minuscule part of the population, I have never, ever had an older childfree woman tell me that she regrets not having kids but I have had MANY mothers confide to me that they would think twice about kids if given the chance (BTW, I know that for most of them, the venting is just that – venting, and they don’t really mean it). The reason you never hear this is because parents who sometimes feel this way are scared of parents like you. I know women who are SO frustrated and ashamed because they’re struggling in private, but in front of their families and the friends they know won’t understand, they’re all smiles and sweetness.

And, the reason the childfree people call themselves that is because to call ourselves childless is to undermine those people who want children but can’t have them. It IS rude to ask someone you barely know about something as personal as having kids – it’s none of your business. I don’t ask parents if they’ve thought about vasectomies or tube-tying! Nobody’s playing the victim just because they don’t like rude questions. I’d be just as annoyed if you asked me how much money I made.

Society isn’t on MY back actually, just certain parents who are so insecure and unsure of their own choice that when a person who chooses not to procreate, they lash out. NO parent that I know who is happy in their role as parent has EVER said a miserable word about childfree people and vice versa. When I hear threats (‘you’ll be sorry/left behind/unloved”), what I really see is weakness. Society LOVES my disposable income, it competes for my free time, it wants my attention. At 6 Billion people and counting, on this planet that is increasingly becoming unable to handle everybody, the childfree are actually doing your kids a big F-ing favour. Me and those like me who don’t want kids gives people who do want them a little breathing room. Being childfree is not a negative refection on your choice. It actually has absolutely NOTHING to do with you! Why do you care anyway? Have 5, 10, 15 kids! If you can handle 1 or 1,000, then bless you.

Maybe I would be a good mother. But maybe I’d be a good murderer too. I’ve never tried either, because I don’t want the life sentence.

These two comments just popped out to me, because the first just struck me as so opinionated and ridiculous and made my blood boil.  I could not have constructed a better retort than what is directly above.

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6 Comments

  1. 2blu2btru

    I’d actually be interested in the more levelheaded responses from both sides. I’ve heard this debate a lot, and been asked why I don’t have kids (although I thought it would be obvious, since I don’t have a husband either, but nowadays I guess not), yet I don’t adamantly support or oppose what anyone else does with their reproductive organs or urges.

    • It’s a very personal question to ask “why don’t you have kids?” or “why are you single?”… Simple answer to both, “none of your damn business!!”

      I’m still unmarried, without children, rent an apartment and about to turn 36… many people would look at me with pity and maybe disdain. Like “what on earth are you waiting for????”

      I know the logical reasoning for all the above regarding me, but others don’t and frankly, it’s not their place to ask me about any of it and I take offense, great offense to being questioned about my life choices. We all should be offended by these types of prying, nosy questions.

      Many of the other comments were from more level headed people debating both sides. I just happened to pick one way out there and then the response to it, which encompassed much of what I was thinking, but better said.

  2. Interesting comments. Care to share the article? I’m on the fence about children. I grew up in a traditional home thinking I would always want them, but times are changing and so am I. Now I’m not sure. The good news is that I still have time to figure it out.

  3. lol, I confess, it was me that posted the article on FB. o_O But my friend started it! She posted first!

    I seriously started getting pissed at the first ignorant reply. THAT is what I hear on a daily basis, for real! It makes me want to get stabby. TG for the more rational response of the second person. Which is exactly how I feel. I hate the “biological/natural” argument. What about our society is “natural”? I’m all for going natural, but if we are going to do that, lets break down society and really do it! Cause that means I can start punching idiots like the first lady in the face without being arrested!

    • I know it was you… but didn’t want to “out you” on here.

      That first comment was…I can’t even articulate the words to how offensive it was. Natural, my ass. Well, my ass is natural, courtesy of lots of food.

      The second comment is what I wish were more prevalent in our society. It’s no one else’s business whether or not we decide to have kids or not. Kids are not for everyone and everyone should not have kids.

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