update…

So, I guess I start with the good news????

I lost 5 pounds. (doesn’t sound like much, but is on a little 5’2″ body)
My apartment is spotless.
My DVR is empty.

How did the aforementioned happen?, you may ask (or not, but I’m gonna tell you anyway).

When I am sad/upset, I lose all interest in food.  What’s going on with St. Elmo has me really stressed/upset.  Even when I feel like I’m hungry (and really only feel slight, fleeting pangs of hunger here and there), all food loses its appeal…even cheese.  I have NO desire to eat a piece of cheese.  You know it’s bad when I don’t even want to eat one of my favorite foods on earth.  I’m pleased to report though, as I drink my grande coffee from Starbucks, that coffee still appeals to me…majorly.

Since we’ve put some distance between us to figure our shit out, I’ve had loads of alone time this weekend (and I need alone time in the beginning to wallow – what can I say?  I’m a masochist).  With this alone time, I was able to clean my apartment, do all laundry, make it sparkle.  That was Saturday.

Yesterday, when I should have been putting in 6 miles in Central Park, I opted instead to watch the entire contents of my DVR (about 15 hours worth of programming – some in fast forward mode, but still).  I gave myself a pass at the running bit, since I haven’t really been eating and yesterday only ate a package of GU Chomps (after I put on my running clothes and thought I would actually go run) and a big bottle of water.  That’s all I ingested yesterday.  Nutritious.  I can’t believe I had the energy to get out of bed this morning and make it into work.

Now I suppose I should move onto the bad news…

St. Elmo has left the building…or at least my apartment.  He packed his stuff and left yesterday (Sunday) morning.

We aren’t over, I don’t think (though I am trying to prepare myself mentally if we are), but just taking a “step back”, whatever that means.

I take it to mean that we’re still together, but we need to slow it down so we can work through our issue.  I still won’t get into what the issue is, it’s personal and even though I consider you all my friends, I need to keep this to myself (and my best friend).

We are going to take this week off and gather our thoughts.  Right now, we are supposed to get together Friday, at the latest, to talk.   The idea is that we will still hang out, eat, drink (have dates).  Still fulfill family obligations that we’ve committed to.  Still attend our races together.

I’ll admit that my apartment is tiny.  Anyone who’s been there can attest to that.  We were literally always in each other’s face when we were both home.  Put it this way, when I had my crying fits this weekend, I retreated to my bathroom for privacy.  It is probably for the best that we put some “distance/space” between us, so we put things into proper perspective.  We no doubt rushed into living together, even though it just *happened* (and by happened, I mean he was staying over 1-2 nights/week, then 3-4 nights, then eventually every night).

We both have our individual issues and sometimes those issues come together and butt heads.  We both know that relationships are not easy.  They take work and a lot of it.  I’d like to think that we both are receptive to putting in the effort to make it work, at the very least, I am.  I believe he is too, otherwise, would have just been like “peace out, yo”.

I’m optimistic that this “step back” will let us figure out what we need to do, good or bad.  We’ll see.

Side note: I want to thank you guys who left really sweet comments for me on the previous post.  It really means a lot to me that you guys have such kind words for me.  I read them and true to form, I teared up when I did.  You guys ROCK!

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6 Comments

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty

    Wow Amy. You seem to handling this (on the outside at least) very well and very objectively and maturely. You may be my idol. While I still hope that whatever it is can be worked through, I also think that your ‘step back’ is a good thing. See how things go/how much you miss one another/how well you function/adapt without living together.

    I so don’t want to be condescending as that’s not how I mean this at all, but I admire the crap out of you for being able to do all this with such a seemingly clear head.

    Keeping good thoughts for you both, but even if worse comes to worse, you’re going to be just fine …… ((hugs))

  2. Grey Goose, Dirty

    oh, and yeah, when I’m upset …. I eat like a PIG!

    • Thanks Grey! I am honored to be considered an idol to you, even if I don’t believe it! xoxo

      Oh, and my first foray into eating my first full meal again because I actually felt a little hungry… MAJOR FAIL! I picked up some lentil soup from one of my favorite soup places. Got back to my office opened it and thought, “Hmmm, that seems like a lot of oil floating on the top”, but figured because it came from a new batch, that it just hadn’t been mixed well enough and it was ok. So, I started eating it. About halfway through, I think to myself that I don’t feel so well. Ten minutes later haul ass to the bathroom and proceed to vomit for 15 mins. Uh, safe to say that I got a mild case of food poisoning from my first meal in days. Guess I didn’t have to worry about the thought I had that I would put the 5 lbs right back on once I started eating normal again. At least today. I went home early from work and luckily did not puke in the cab home. Around 7:15, I finally felt normal again. At least the vomiting and severe abdominal cramping stopped. But I sure as hell don’t want to eat. I feel like the Emily Blunt character in The Devil Wears Prada, “I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight!” Sigh

      • Grey Goose, Dirty

        Yikes. Not good. So sorry about that. I love lentil soup but even this will put me off of it for a while. Ick.

        Amy, you are my idol. I’m building a shrine to you right now. Okay not really – that would just be creepy! I know I wouldn’t handle things as well as you though. I envision yelling, name calling, burning of photographs and possibly a dish or 2 flying across the room. 😉

  3. Thinking about you, hun. Take care of yourself… you’ll be OK no matter what. Don’t forget that. We’re all here for you!

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