It’s been awhile since I blogged about my relationship. You were all there from the beginning. Read all my crazy thoughts and neuroses regarding it. And now? I’ve pulled away. I’ve been neglecting you guys!
So, if you really care <snarky snark snark>…
“Concerns with living with my boyfriend”
This blog idea comes courtesy of St. Elmo himself.
We’ve been spending most nights together at my place. He keeps some clothes there and has toiletries all over the bathroom. He’s comfortable in my place – as he should be. I wouldn’t want it any other way. We’ve talked in general terms about living with each other. We don’t have a specific time line to make an official move for this to happen, but it is definitely on the horizon.
I’ve never lived with a significant other. He has. I am fiercely independent and always had this thought that “wouldn’t it be awesome to be married, but to have two separate apartments right next to one another, so we each have our own space?” Practical and realistic? Umm, no. Ideal? Hell yeah – at least in my book.
This is where we differ. He would hate this arrangement. He loves spending time with me. And I absolutely love spending time with him and I do want to live with him. My problem is that I have lived alone for soooooo long, that it will certainly take a bit of time and adjustment on my part. Living alone for so long has undeniably made me selfish. I do what I want, when I want, where I want. I don’t have to take anyone else into consideration. Living with someone is going to be a compromise of some of these things.
Will I be able to just do absolutely everything that I want, when and where I want? I suppose I could if I didn’t care about his feelings or thoughts. I could continue living exactly the way I have been, but that wouldn’t be fair to him. He would have to be able to do the same as well. We will have to meet in the middle and compromise. You’d think that I would be better adjusted to this notion having grown up with siblings and living with others all through college. But those times were oh, many, too many years ago. As an adult, I’ve pretty much lived by myself (aside from a few months here and there).
Without going into TMI detail, there are certain lady grooming things that best be kept private. Sure, I can sequester myself in the bathroom. I can wait till he leaves the apartment. But those would be adjustments for me. It’s something that has to be pre-planned. Not bad, but just different from my free reign to do all of that at my convenience.
There’s also the fact that my eating habits will change (and in fact have been since we’ve been together)…albeit for the better. I will no longer be able to sit down with a bag of Doritos and just go to town on them. At least without feeling weird about it. Cheese and wine for dinner? Oh, actually, that is okay. We’ve done that. Cubes of cheese, chips and guacamole for dinner because we’re feeling lazy? Check, done that too. Yes, folks, I include cheese in almost all of my dinners. One good thing is that I am cooking more. Before, it was a lot of delivery or baking a potato and calling it a meal. I am expanding my cooking efforts. I look up recipes to try and am proud when the glazed salmon or ginger noodles turn out to be tasty.
I’m ready to take the next step. We’ve been sort of doing a trial run now. We wake up next to one another nearly every morning, with a random night apart. It would actually just be so much easier if we were officially living together. He wouldn’t have to leave my place early in the morning so he can run home and change into clean clothes for work. My cat would be in heaven having him around full time (he showers her with attention and she eats it up). We’d both feel much more at ease knowing it’s “our” place, as opposed to mine or his.
I don’t really have any concerns about living with him. He thinks I will miss my independence and in some way, yeah, I will. But giving up a small portion of my independence opens the door to something great – a life shared together. Having him in my life (and home) far outweighs any diminished independence that I may feel.