roomies

It’s been awhile since I blogged about my relationship.  You were all there from the beginning.  Read all my crazy thoughts and neuroses regarding it.  And now?  I’ve pulled away.  I’ve been neglecting you guys!

So, if you really care <snarky snark snark>…

“Concerns with living with my boyfriend”

This blog idea comes courtesy of St. Elmo himself.

We’ve been spending most nights together at my place.  He keeps some clothes there and has toiletries all over the bathroom.  He’s comfortable in my place – as he should be.  I wouldn’t want it any other way.  We’ve talked in general terms about living with each other.  We don’t have a specific time line to make an official move for this to happen, but it is definitely on the horizon.

I’ve never lived with a significant other.  He has.  I am fiercely independent and always had this thought that “wouldn’t it be awesome to be married, but to have two separate apartments right next to one another, so we each have our own space?”  Practical and realistic?  Umm, no.  Ideal?  Hell yeah – at least in my book.

This is where we differ.  He would hate this arrangement.  He loves spending time with me.  And I absolutely love spending time with him and I do want to live with him.  My problem is that I have lived alone for soooooo long, that it will certainly take a bit of time and adjustment on my part.  Living alone for so long has undeniably made me selfish.  I do what I want, when I want, where I want.  I don’t have to take anyone else into consideration.  Living with someone is going to be a compromise of some of these things.

Will I be able to just do absolutely everything that I want, when and where I want?  I suppose I could if I didn’t care about his feelings or thoughts.  I could continue living exactly the way I have been, but that wouldn’t be fair to him.  He would have to be able to do the same as well.  We will have to meet in the middle and compromise.  You’d think that I would be better adjusted to this notion having grown up with siblings and living with others all through college.  But those times were oh, many, too many years ago.  As an adult, I’ve pretty much lived by myself (aside from a few months here and there).

Without going into TMI detail, there are certain lady grooming things that best be kept private.  Sure, I can sequester myself in the bathroom.  I can wait till he leaves the apartment.  But those would be adjustments for me.  It’s something that has to be pre-planned.  Not bad, but just different from my free reign to do all of that at my convenience.

There’s also the fact that my eating habits will change (and in fact have been since we’ve been together)…albeit for the better.  I will no longer be able to sit down with a bag of Doritos and just go to town on them.  At least without feeling weird about it.  Cheese and wine for dinner?  Oh, actually, that is okay.  We’ve done that.  Cubes of cheese, chips and guacamole for dinner because we’re feeling lazy?  Check, done that too.  Yes, folks, I include cheese in almost all of my dinners.  One good thing is that I am cooking more.  Before, it was a lot of delivery or baking a potato and calling it a meal.  I am expanding my cooking efforts.  I look up recipes to try and am proud when the glazed salmon or ginger noodles turn out to be tasty.

I’m ready to take the next step.  We’ve been sort of doing a trial run now.  We wake up next to one another nearly every morning, with a random night apart.  It would actually just be so much easier if we were officially living together.  He wouldn’t have to leave my place early in the morning so he can run home and change into clean clothes for work.  My cat would be in heaven having him around full time (he showers her with attention and she eats it up).  We’d both feel much more at ease knowing it’s “our” place, as opposed to mine or his.

I don’t really have any concerns about living with him.  He thinks I will miss my independence and in some way, yeah, I will.  But giving up a small portion of my independence opens the door to something great – a life shared together.  Having him in my life (and home) far outweighs any diminished independence that I may feel.

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15 Comments

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty

    wow Amy! exciting stuff! i’m so happy that everything is going so great!

    sure, it will be an adjustment but the pros SSSOOO outweigh the cons!

    i bet you wouldn’t even have to give up your gourmet Doritos dinner ~ just buy an extra bag so he can join in!

    • Thanks! We’ve already established that we both crave something sweet after dinner. Last night we raided the bag of Toll House Morsels and random pieces of chocolate in the fridge. Desperate times call for somewhat desperate measures. So, perhaps he’d like Doritos for dinner as well 🙂

  2. firecracker3

    Again, no one commented yet?!?!? 🙂 I have come to terms with my “I need my space” issue that I have realized that for some reason I would always end up with guys that really enjoyed the “together time or place.” I thought having roommates would break me into the “us” phase if I ever went down that path…um….yeah…they are no longer around…I commend you on really considering this and how it will affect both of you. Good luck 🙂

    • It will definitely be different. I will still need “my time” – I will never give that up. I’ve stated for awhile that the next time I live with someone, it will be a significant other. I couldn’t do just a roommate thing now. I’m too old and I’ve lived alone for way too long to give up that luxury while its afforable.

  3. I’m far, far, far away from the point where that’s even a dicsussion item (or to be totally honest, I even have an idea of who I’d be discussing it with) but I’ve felt the same way.

    I need to spend time with someone, to talk, share, etc., but I need my own cave to retreat to occassionally.

    One older and wealthy couple I knew solved this problem in their new home with “His” and “Hers” master bedrooms — king size bed in both, separate closets/bathrooms/etc. in opposite corners of the house.

    As I understand it, sometimes they both wound up in one or the other, others both rooms got utilized. But they were pretty damn happy. If I (we) could afford it, and find someone aimeable to such an arrangement, I may be in heaven.

    • There is something to be said about how they (the wealthy) did it years ago with separate bedrooms… sometimes you need and want the bed to yourself to sprawl out or toss and turn. And especially if one person snores or is sick. I suppose that’s what the *guest room* is for. Still don’t have that luxury in my tiny abode in Manhattan. Thanks for visiting!

  4. Wow – this is major!!! Discussions about moving in together! Good for you! 🙂

    I’ve never lived with a guy but if I ever moved in with Jesse (we haven’t discussed it, although I have a feeling that it’s inevitable) I would definitely need my personal space too. I’ve lived alone for thirteen years – that is a long damn time. I know exactly what you mean, I’ve got my own little routine and it’d be hard to adjust…but lucky for me, he likes that I have my own stuff to do without him and vice versa. That is something that I have been searching for in a partner for years…someone who doesn’t depend on me for their total entertainment. We each have our own interests to pursue, while simultaneously sharing a life together. (And, of course, spending a lot of time together too!) But yeah, bring on separate bathrooms because I have a lot of toiletries and don’t want to make any space for his stuff in the medicine cabinet…

    Wow – I’m so happy for you! This is an excellent development! 🙂

    • Thanks! I’m lucky that he gets that I need my “me time”, even if it’s just to clean and straighten up the apartment in peace and quiet. Right now, we’re lucky with the bathroom space situation because I have a decent sized linen closet in my bathroom with shelves to hold all of my crap. And his stuff doesn’t take that much room. I don’t know what would happen if we move someplace else…I guess I’ll have to consider tossing some of the stuff that never gets used (which the anti-hoarder in me is kinda excited to do)

  5. Simmarah

    Funny, because reading your blog sounds exactly like me. I lived on my own for soo long and when my now ex boyfriend moved in, I thought crap, I just lost my independence and all my private girly things that I like to do. Actually, it turned out that it was 100% the same when I lived on my own. He complimented me in the best of ways. You can still have your independence and live with someone 😉 It will work out, just trust it 🙂

    • Thanks, Simmarah! I think it’ll be fine, too. Just a small adjustment. We are both adjusting every day and so far, no major issues 🙂

  6. Wow I wish you guys the best of luck!

    I know personally, I won’t live with another boyfriend until there’s a ring on my finger, I’ve been there, done that, and I just don’t want to do it again unless it’s permanent. That’s just me, though… Because I’m jaded. Living with someone is a big step though.

    • Thank you! I’ve always thought the same way… not until it’s really serious (like wedding bells serious). We aren’t heading down the alter yet (holy crap, did I say “yet”????), but it’s def serious enough and we’ve been practically living together for the past month.

  7. I can tell you from the one guy I lived with (my ex fiance), there is something to be said about living together and functioning as a team. That was my favorite part of living together – we were a pair. We got the chores done together, we enjoyed dinners together, we approached our lives as a team. Obviously, it didn’t work out in the end, but I still look forward to living with someone else.

    • So far, it’s been really good. I don’t have the largest apartment, but so far, we haven’t had any issues. Both of us living at his place is out of the question. We will reach a point where we need more space, but hopefully it won’t come way before my lease is up (this summer). If we start to get cramped before then, I’ll send him back to his place a few nights a week. In the meantime, it’s working until we move into a bigger spot together.

      Yes, the teamwork is nice. We share chores and cooking/ordering in/picking up food. He helps take care of our cat *baby*, who likes to puke all the time (I think my cat is bulimic – she binges then purges).

  8. I think in time, those sorts of items work themselves out. However, that doesn’t mean you’re not AAAUUUGGGHHH about them right now. I would be. I loved being close to my ex but when actually sleeping happened, it was not pleasant. The whole snoring thing just kills me but you don’t want to smother the person you love just so you can get your 8 hours. Everything is an adjustment.

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