telling it like it is

There have been a few instances lately where I’ve taken the road of telling it the way it is…however *mean* or *in your face* that may be.

When friends are going through a rough spot – whether it’s with work or family or friends or other personal relationship – I will always listen first.  But I’ve definitely gotten to the point where I won’t coddle them for too long.  There’s a narrow window when I will empathize and nod my head and agree with them that “life blows”, but then I can turn on a dime and tell them to “suck it up”, “move on”, “get over it”.

I’ve blogged about this before.  When I was smack in the midst of the CDB break-up fiasco, I had plenty of people to nod their heads and agree with me about how much of a douchebag he is.  But there were others who were telling me “well, yeah, that sucks.  You need to face the facts, get your shit back together and get over it.”

Just today, a good friend was obsessing over canceled plans with a new-ish boy.  In her pretty, but warped little head, she started to think “what if he doesn’t like me?”  Seriously????  Did the phone calls and multiple texts every day not signal to you that he is interested?  Now, she knows that she is neurotic about things like this.  She openly fesses up to it and in an email told me to “lean across the table and slap her”.  So, I email slapped her and told her to stop being ridiculous.

A fellow blogger (yes, sweetie, I’m talking about you) has found herself in the middle of a horrendous shit storm involving a man she fell in love with and his psycho-Ex/current/whatever.  The situation has evolved into something that she seriously needs to remove herself from, no matter what.  There shouldn’t be any contact to/from him.  She needs to cut all ties, because it’s an awful scenario.

In the past, I’ve listened to friends go on and on about their woes.  These days, perhaps due to my increasing crankiness, I am less inclined to let someone drone on about problems.  Life sucks.  That’s a fact.  We all have our issues.  No one is immune to life’s suckiness.  We just learn to better adapt to it.  Merely bitching about it, while fun, doesn’t solve the problem.  It just creates stress from dwelling on the situation and causes agita and indigestion.

It’s great to recognize a problem or issue.  That is the important first step.  But it is equally important to figure out how to change/fix the problem and then actually do it.  If all I hear is “wah wah wah” about something, but you’re not attempting to fix, it, than I immediately will start to tune you out.  I will no longer be receptive to listening to it.  If someone is looking for advice and I give it and they don’t follow it (or any advice), that’s fine.  But I no longer want to hear about it.

I want to listen to your problem.  But I also want to know you are doing something to address it.

Life’s a bitch and frankly, so am I (sometimes).

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17 Comments

  1. firecracker3

    What? No one commented yet!?!?! Yes, #1 comment here! I like this post a great deal. All true. I can say that I have fallen into the “what am I doing or going to do about it” camp and get annoyed with myself if I linger there too long and nothing seems to be happening. Some people like to hang out there like it is a cool club, blah! You are correct in your approach, good job 🙂

    • Thanks, Jen. I’ve been there too. We all have. The whole getting older and *wiser* or in all actuality, less patient thing, makes us snap out of it and figure out that we don’t want to hear it anymore (from others and ourselves).

  2. Grey Goose, Dirty

    you’re awesome Amy! you have a good grasp of things like this. you know why I think you’re awesome? ’cause I think the same exact way! Although I will always neurotically obsess about new guys (sorry, that’s just how it is 😉 ), I will also always try to change a situation that is not going well and advise anyone who asks advice to do the same.

    • Yes, you are awesome too!

      • Grey Goose, Dirty

        lol – er, when i reread what i wrote it sounded a bit self serving. that’s not how i meant it at all. i just think you’re awesome … period 🙂 (sorta sounding a bit like the ‘i love you man’ bud lite commercials, huh?)

  3. Grey Goose, Dirty

    Hey Amy, you’re a very good friend. I just read your comment on ‘another’ blog post today and I just hope she hears you.

    • Thanks. I hope she hears me too. It was harsh, but seriously, I want to shake her and tell her to “snap out of it!”.

  4. AMEN!!

    I wish more people would hand out verbal bitch slaps (that’s what my girlfriends and I call them). I’m a very blunt, no-nonsense kind of girl. Sometimes we all get a little silly when it comes to boys though, and it is hard to keep your head when you’re the one in the situation… but at some point you’ve got to snap out of it.

    Good for you for being straight-forward… just try not to permanently damage any friendships in the process. 🙂

    • Thanks! I try to be diplomatic when I hand out the verbal bitch slaps (I love that, btw), so I hope I haven’t offended anyone too much.

      I just try to keep all drama to a minimum, because I’m getting too old to deal with it or care! And I totally welcome the verbal bitch slaps from others when I am the one being ridiculous.

  5. You’re brilliant and wickedly funny. Glad I found your blog today! I look forward to reading more posts. 🙂

    • Thanks! So glad you stopped by!

  6. Q

    LOL! I must agree! I studied psychology and thought seriously about becoming a therapist, until I realized that my capacity for insistent suffering is–to put it mildly–minimal. That’s why we started a site to help support women through breakups (Pink Kisses). We’re all about getting our lady friends to MOVE ON with style and dignity. All that running makeup, while perfectly fine for a while, does need to clear up at some point!

  7. Right on! Loved this post. And, as far as “So, I email slapped her and told her to stop being ridiculous,” how exactly does one email slap?? 🙂

    • Goes something like this, but written in an email…

      My hand, your face… SLAP

      🙂

  8. prettylittlereckless

    Amen! Even in my own life, I would rather have friends tell me straight up what they think vs patronize me. Although I know which friends to go to when I need someone to tell me what I want to hear. I have a friend who has been seeing this guy for a year now and she STILL gets all worried he’s suddenly not going to like her and is going to be done with her. I used to tell her what she wanted to hear, encouraging that she was just being silly, but then it just got out of hand. She would worry every single day especially if he didn’t immediately reply to a text or email etc. Finally I was fed up and just started giving it to her straight. She was more receptive to the straight talk vs the “encouraging” talk.

    Great post! and btw- hello! Just found your blog via Quarter For Her Thoughts by Intrigue Me. 🙂

    • Thanks! I think we all need people in our lives to give us straight talk.

      I just popped over to your site…we think very alike! Glad you found me, so I could find you!

  9. nayabash

    hahahha this is so funny! liked the way you expressed it all… too good! 🙂

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