St. Elmo recently confessed that he feared that he was my rebound guy. He knows the entire shitastic story of what happened with Colossal Douche Bag. He knows the ugly details. He knows it all ended for good in mid-July. He’s well aware that we first met at the end of August, only 6 weeks after the break-up. Granted things started as slow as molasses between us and didn’t pick-up steam until early November, he knows that I didn’t really date much and sure as hell didn’t have a relationship between CDB and him. I completely understand his concern knowing that he is the first relationship post-CDB, but I assured him that he was not my rebound – he’s much more than that.
Taking a superficial look at me and him, it totally looks like he’s my rebound. He was the first guy who made it to date #2. He was the first guy who really treated me well post-CDB. He was the first guy to really pay attention to me and dote on me. He made it so easy to like him. Of course, this comes across screaming “rebound!”
But, I had the rebound guy already. In fact, my exact words to St. Elmo were “Rebound? No, you’re not my rebound. Been there, done that already.” Haha – so classy. No, he is not my rebound guy. And I let him know that if he had been, I’d already have gotten rid of him. Yes, I said that. Sometimes I just can’t control what comes out of my mouth.
“Jeff” was my rebound guy in all 3, yes 3, times CDB and I broke up. Hey, I knew he would do the job. He did a good job. He was a good distraction (most of the time, see p.s. below). He came out and met me when I was out with my friends. He took me out drinking. He was very attentive when we were together. He was affectionate. At those particular times, that’s what I needed. But, I also knew that it would never be more than that with him. Perhaps he knew that about me.
I don’t think that having a rebound guy/girl is a bad thing. I suppose it’s only bad when you ARE the rebound guy/girl. After a break-up, especially if it’s a bad one, it helps to have someone as a distraction. To make you feel good about yourself. To boost a sagging ego. To make you feel desirable again. I don’t condone leading anyone on, especially if you know this is “just a rebound,” as I am a huge advocate of being honest. But if you are recently broken up and not taking a dating break, then by all means, go out, find a hottie and have some fun with this rebound. But just be clear that you are only having fun. Then your conscious can be clear to enjoy those good times.
p.s. I don’t get “Jeff”. He was undoubtedly my rebound at the end of July-early August. We hung out a few times. Then he started doing the fade out. He would take a week or so to respond to emails. Always suggested that “we should get together soon” but never followed through. And to boot, he still has my jewelry (luckily nothing expensive), that I accidentally left there one night. Bastard! But anyways, after I wrote him off, he would pop back in my life randomly by sending a text. Usually it was just a text saying “nice try” or “good game” in response to how Penn State performed that day. In the past few months, whenever I would get a text from him, I would text back “thanks” or something similarly short and noncommittal. I chose not to respond to the last one I got after Penn State’s last home game, the one I was at. I am not sure I will receive any others from him. I frankly don’t really care to, but dammit, I kinda still want my jewelry back!
UPDATE 12/17: So, “Jeff’s” ears must have been a-ringing yesterday because I got an email from him last night… I had been bitching and complaining about not being accepted into the 2011 NYC Half Marathon because their lottery process SUCKS. Anyhoo, I was bitching all over Facebook and to anyone who would listen to me for the past two days. Apparently Jeff saw these rants and forwarded me an email about running for charity. In particular, the charity of which he is very actively involved. He offered to help put me in touch with the person organizing their 5 person Half team. I thought it was nice and I appreciated how he wanted to appease a raving lunatic, but I declined his offer. Mostly because I don’t really have an interest in being anything more than a friend to him and don’t want to lead him on (not saying he wants more, but I doubt he knows I am in a relationship now). I just don’t want our contact to be anything more than civil, friendly exchanges. I also didn’t want to take a spot away from someone who is a member of that organization. I mean there are only 5 spots. If there were 20, maybe…