A relationship should be ‘easy’.
In its most general implication, this statement rings true. However, relationships are not easy. Even those that seem so take quite a bit of work by both parties involved.
So far, this new relationship with St. Elmo has been going smoothly. Once we passed that moment of revelation of “hey, I like you, you like me,” it has been sort of effortless and uncomplicated. We both know where the other stands. I’ve actually opened up way, way earlier than I ever had in past relationships. I’m letting him know how I feel towards him and he’s doing the same with me. I have NEVER done this in the past. Scratch that, maybe in high school, but what did I know back then when I was a wet-behind-the-ears 16 year-old? Certainly as an adult, I have always waded in slowly. Even with CDB, I knew I liked him right off the bat. From the first meeting, there was an undeniable attraction and chemistry on both our parts. But the first 3 months was slowly testing the waters. I was unsure of his feelings toward me. I knew he liked me, but not to what extent. Did he see a future with me? I didn’t know. There was a lot of speculation and anxiety with CDB that didn’t fade until a year or so in. He knew my fears, but yet did little to assuage them. I would not have described that relationship, even when it was good, as easy.
I don’t have that same anxiety and worry with St. Elmo. We’ve both disclosed our feelings, as well as our fears. Don’t get us wrong, we have had our respective freak-outs regarding our relationship because of how well it’s progressing. Freaking-out because we’ve never had a relationship go so well from this early on and felt such strong feelings. There is a definite fear of falling too quickly and getting hurt – for both of us. How is it possible that it’s so easy to let him in? How can we be at this point of complete infatuation and in the process of falling in love with someone who we’ve only known for such a short period of time? But we talk about it. We’re open about our freak-outs and reassure one another that it’s going to be alright. There’s support and genuine concern for one another during these freak-outs. Whoa. This is such a strange concept for me. Usually, all feelings and concerns are one-sided.
I don’t want to hold myself back. I don’t think he does either. So, kids, I’m falling…falling for an amazing man. I’ve accepted this fact and am not going to fight it. I’m going to ride it out and see where it takes us.
So, I let him know that “we can fall and freak-out together.” Because, this time, it’s comfortable. This time, it feels good. This time, it feels right. This time, it’s easy.