dating – the good, the bad, and the ugly

It’s more difficult to find things to blog about when things are going well.  We can all go on ad nauseam about what’s wrong with our lives, how our families are driving us up the wall, how we aren’t being appreciated at work, how last night’s date was the worst ever, how we had the commute from hell, etc.  But when life is going smoothly, well, there’s nothing to rant and rave about.  Misery loves company and that’s why a lot of us are here.  I mean seriously, I started this blog to write about crazy dating stories.  Rarely are crazy dating stories about good dates.  They are about the bad ones.

After reading about worst date stories (IntrigueMe has a great series) and others’ crazy online dating adventures (please see my blogroll), I can honestly say that I have been pretty lucky.  I’ve had bad dates, but none of them even compare to some of the stories I read about.

It is so refreshing to read about others meeting good guys and falling in love or starting to have those feelings again.  A bunch of us *bonded* this summer/early fall reading about one another’s dating disasters.  But over the course of the months, a few of us have met someone special.  And it’s a relief going from “OMG, I’m not alone.  There’s wonderful single women all around the country who can’t find decent men” to “OMG, finally, these wonderful women have met someone!”  When I first started blogging and reading other blogs, it was a little depressing.  If I couldn’t find someone and they couldn’t find someone, what the hell was wrong with the world???  I thought it might be the dating scene in NY, but it turns out that it’s the same no matter where you live.  That thought made it hard to believe love could be found and happen.  But at the same time, there was that sense of relief, “well, it’s not just me.”

I feel as though I’ve come a long way from my mental state this summer, post-breakup.  It’s hard to believe that it was less than 5 months ago that my love life was turned upside down (even if it had been on the downslide for a few months).  I’m sure I wouldn’t be in such an optimistic state of mind if things haven’t been going so well with St. Elmo.  If my dating experience was still in a holding pattern, I’d be blogging every day again about how dating stinks and woe is me, I can’t find a good man.

My overall online dating experiences haven’t been horrible.  They weren’t great, in the sense that I feel like I didn’t have a lot of men trying to contact me or those that I wrote to (and there were A LOT), never wrote back.  I suppose that since I did find someone both times I did Match, my online dating experiences were wins (although, the 1st time was when I met CDB – major fail in the grand scheme of things).  This time around, I was on Match for three months.  I had actual face-to-face dates with 4 guys – #1 I felt no chemistry with; #2 I thought didn’t like me, but I deemed kissable; #3 I scared away on purpose; and #4 wanted a second date, then made up some lame excuse to blow me off.

Bachelor #2 was the ding ding ding, winner (HA, like I’m such a prize!).  It took some work on my part to *get* him, but when I finally did, I really got him.  I will be the first to admit that I did the majority of the chasing at first.  I know, I know, totally against all the rules.  But now, it seems as though he’s the one chasing me.  And I kinda like it!  Correction…I really like it.  I get daily texts just wishing me a great day.  Or a good morning or good night.  I get the smiley face texts that cheer me up.  Every. Single. Time.  I was having a not-so-good day on Tuesday and he took me out for a drink to cheer me up.  Last week, I was out with a friend on Wednesday night and he broke away from his family, came across town to meet us for a quick drink, and then headed back across town to meet up with his family again.  He probably spent 30 mins total travel time, to hang out for 30 mins…just to see me (for the third night in a row).

I still consider myself exceptionally lucky that I have met someone who I genuinely like and who likes me back.  Usually, it’s I like them and they don’t like me, or vice versa.  For some crazy reason, the planets all aligned and we like each other.  It doesn’t seem real sometimes.  I find myself thinking about “could there be a future?” even though we haven’t even had the let’s-not-date-others talk yet.  But he constantly mentions things like cheering me on if I get into the NYC Half, which is toward the end of next March or other random things that are in the not-immediate future.

I’m still afraid of getting burned (we all are) and am taking it one day, one step at a time.  I have no interest in finding someone else to date, but am not yet thinking this is forever (even if I am 35 and aging by the second).  I’m just enjoying it.  Enjoying him.   Having fun.

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13 Comments

  1. Yey Amy! That’s great that things are going so well with St. Elmo!

    You’re so right about about the whole ‘bonding over bad dates’ thing. It is a bit reassuring (as wrong as that sounds) to know that it’s not really isolated to just one person (me) 😉 and it helps to put things in perspective I think.

    While I am hugely impressed with your 4 dates & found a good one (which makes my 25 dates & still waiting) seem a bit sad, I couldn’t be happier for you! And don’t you worry, at the rate I’m going, I’ll have plenty to blog about for the both of us! 🙂

    I’m keeping good thoughts for you!!

    • Thanks! I hated the fact that there were so many women to bond with who were suffering from the same problems with finding quality men. Don’t be sad about 25 dates… you had 25 dates! I had 4. And I had quite a few emailing guys fizzle out before it got to a date. I still chalk it up to pure luck and like I said, somehow the stars, planets, moons, sun aligned right. I was getting super bummed out with my paltry 4 Match dates and nothing worthwhile when I was on OkCupid. You’re doing the footwork (as opposed to those who whine and don’t put in the work) and I love hearing your stories 🙂

  2. Oh, I love reading this! I’m so glad things are going well for you and St. Elmo! Hooray!! And I’m jealous it only took four dates for you to meet someone great! I had about one year of searching (I don’t even know how many dates that was) since breaking things off with my ex.

    And I agree re: blogging. I’m always thinking “What do I write about?” now that I don’t have any more crazy dating stories to share, and I feel weird writing about my time dating “Jesse”. But I do have one story to update soon…

    But congrats Amy! I’m so happy for you!!

    • And I am so glad to hear things are going well with Jesse. It’s funny how things have changed – for the good – from a few months ago. I’m looking forward to your latest update! 🙂

  3. Looking in the rear view mirror when driving is good, but that is about the only time. Way to keep your eyes forward!

    • That is such a great way of looking at life. Only refer to the rear-view mirror (the past) when necessary. Better to keep your eyes on the road (future) ahead of you. That really was awesome, thanks!

  4. Esme

    Just enjoy what may come Amy, and count your blessings you only had to go through those 4 guys! 😉 The way I look at it is…I suffer through these dates so I can share the douche-baggery with all of you, because we all need a good laugh every now and then!
    If it is meant to be, it will be. Just hang on and enjoy the ride, it’s all we have anyways!

    • Thanks, Esme! I have a love/hate relationship with all of you who write about douche-baggery, cause I don’t want you all to have the experiences to write about it…but, I love reading about it all in the fantastic way you all tell these stories. And they do make me laugh, cause the story-telling is awesome.

  5. I think this is wonderful, and glad things are going so well for you. I agree with you, I have enjoyed reading about bad dates but I love when someone finds someone -even if it’s just a short relationship. It reassures me that it is possible (maybe even likely) that we’ll all be OK. The relationships/friendships I’ve built through my blog are irreplaceable. I feel so lucky. I’m happy to follow your journey, and hope you enjoy this time with St. Elmo. He sounds like a great guy.

    • Thanks, Catherine. Your journey with Chef is great to read about and tell him that I enjoyed his guest blog. Hope he does more!

  6. I congratulate you and every other single woman out there who has had the courage to move forward and find someone post shitty relationship. I hope to join your ranks.!

    • Pam, I really want you to join our ranks! And you will!

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