re-establishing my requirements
What are your priorities in seeking a potential mate?
Is your focus on looks? Does power and wealth drive the attraction? Is intelligence and a *beautiful mind* your #1 turn on? Does compassion and altruism melt your heart? Does passion for the arts rate above all? Can someone win you over with wit and humor? Can someone cook their way into your heart through your stomach?
I think we can all safely say “all of the above, please!” And in a perfect world, we’d meet the person who possessed the qualities that meet all of these. But a perfect world this is not.
Browsing through all of the online dating profiles, the same things pop up over and over. Any mix of these is what you are presented with along with basic information such as gender, age, and location.
Just by reading the text in profiles, you’d think that we are all the same person. We all like to try new restaurants, eat/drink good food and wine, spend time in parks, visit museums, travel the world, volunteer, learn new things, stay active, read, go to movies or the theater, give massages (this seems to be popular among the men, not sure about the ladies), hug, kiss, intimacy, yada yada yada (hopefully the lobster bisque is not the best part).
I admit that I’m no different. I have all these same things in my profile. How can we sort through all the hundreds of potential matches and weed them down to ones we like? Well, then it boils down to the pictures.
Here comes my confession. I know that I would like to believe that looks don’t matter, but how many times have I instantly rejected someone based on their looks? A lot. How many times have I clicked on a profile because the guy’s main profile pic showed a really good looking person? A lot. I guess I am shallow in that respect.
This whole looks thing has made me think on a number of occasions that I might be tossing aside a really great person, because I didn’t think they were good looking enough. I know that I’ve certainly been rejected because someone didn’t like the way I looked. And I’m a really great person, dammit! You have to be able to take if you dish it, huh?
But in my defense and others who feel the same, looks help feed attraction which feeds the illustrious spark. Can you get butterflies in your tummy if you don’t find the person attractive? Can you picture kissing this person? In all my years of dating, I can’t remember dating (I mean more than one date) someone who I didn’t find physically attractive upon first glance. Not all of them were drop dead gorgeous. But none of them were unattractive. Some were actually quite hot and probably out of my league. I’ve also dated attractive men and waited date after date for the spark to emerge and it never did. It’s obvious to me that just because someone is attractive, there won’t necessarily be a spark. Yet, I’ve still been so focused on looks.
I recently received a Match email from a guy who winked at me awhile ago. I disregarded the wink because I didn’t think he was that good looking in this main profile pic. Truthfully, I am not even sure I clicked through to see his whole profile back then. So, he’s now written me an email and it was a nice email. He mentioned something in reference to my profile, so it wasn’t just that generic “hey, nice profile. Let’s chat” type of note. But I still haven’t clicked through to his profile. Maybe he just chose the wrong pic to have as his main one and the other pics are better and more flattering? I don’t know. I suppose the next time I log on, I’ll check it out. Who knows? I might be pleasantly surprised by the pics and impressed by the written content. Maybe it’s time to revise *my way* of thinking and give these guys a shot. Now if only the hotties I’ve emailed would have the same change of heart 🙂