this online dating thing is for the birds

It has been two weeks since I rejoined Match.com.  Two weeks and I am ready to throw up the white flag and surrender.  Surrender to the fact that I am not going to meet someone on this site.  I’ve also joined OKCupid.  Been on that site for one week.  Again, I’m close to taking my profile down.  <SIGH>

The last time I did this was three years ago.  I went on three dates with three different guys.  Guy #1 was one date.  Guy #2 I dated for 3 months.  Guy #3 was the douche bag.

Perhaps I am not as cute as I though I was.  Maybe cute isn’t cutting it and men want beautiful.  I keep myself in pretty good shape.  I don’t have a model physique, but I’ve got a curvy in the right places, athletic body, if that makes any sense.  I like football, beer and wings.  I love to eat.  I love to travel.  And stay active.  WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT????

A friend was debating joining Match as well, and naturally, I said “Do it!  It’ll be fun comparing dating nightmare stories!”  And that is supposed to be the hard sell?  It’s no wonder I am not in sales.

So, one day after she joins we start sharing who’s winked or sent us messages.  I find it amusing that men will browse the profiles of women who live more than 100 miles from them.  I suppose it’s because I live in NYC and you figure that even if someone lives out in Central Jersey or Long Island or Weschester County, it is still within 25-50 miles of the city.  My friend got a wink from some guy in California.  I’ve gotten them from Alabama, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Illinois and Montreal, Canada.  Seriously dudes?  I’m not going to travel hundreds of miles for a first date and I am not looking for a pen pal or phone relationship.  Ugh.

I also seem to attract all the freaks looking for a quick hookup.  Umm, sorry buddy, not from me.  How do I know this is what they are looking for?  It’s the “hey sexy” in the subject line.  It’s the “wanna b my friend”, no punctuation, no fully spelled out sentences.  Sometimes I open up a profile that looks to be normal on the surface.  Then you check out the pictures.  And there’s that self portrait cell phone pic of him in his underwear.  Gross!  Delete!  NEXT!

It’s becoming a disappointment and slight bruise to my ego that the guys whose profiles I liked, and winked at or emailed, have not responded.  I going to try my hardest to stick it out the full three months.  Hopefully though, I will meet someone before that time is up and if I waste the remainder of it, it will be for a good reason.  I hope more so, that this last scenario is the case for my friend whom I goaded into this Internet dating mud pit.  It’s one thing for me to jump in, but another for me to encourage others to jump when I know what they are jumping into.

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14 Comments

  1. Oh boy, do I ever know how you’re feeling! I feel like this every other week! This week, in fact, was one of those weeks.

    It’s frustrating but I find that the more sites I’m on, and the more emails and winks I send, the better my chances of getting a reply. And if I’m not getting anything, I just keep refining my profile, adding photos, making it new.

    I’m like you, we’re both 35, live in NYC and are “curvy in the right places” / athletic bodies. Uh oh, wait – are we vying for the same men?! (I seem to be getting a lot of old dudes who seem to think that I’d really like to play house in some suburbia with their 6 year old kids. Um, no thanks.)

    It’s only been two weeks. When I first started dating after my breakup, it took over a month online before I went out with anyone worth dating… there are some decent guys out there, it’s just going to take some digging to find the diamonds…at least I hope so.

    • I agree, it definitely comes in cycles. I seem to find a guy worth dating every two months or so. Unfortunately have to go out with the pre-requisite 10-20 others in between, but I consider them blog-fodder so….

      Keep your chin up Amy. A rough week just means next week can only get better!

  2. I think we might be the same girl vying for the same men – oh no! haha

    I emailed a few guys on OKCupid today, we’ll see if any bite.

    Last Sunday, a couple of girlfriends and I went bar hopping in the East Village. The biergarten there showed promise for a good male to female ratio. Unfortunately, it was rainy so there weren’t a lot of people out.

  3. M-A LiYu

    And I have given myself a self-imposed retirement. I seem to be searching for some kind of logical answer to the whole process … but I find that I have barely scraped the surface. I think much, much more research should be involved!
    http://michanne.wordpress.com/category/a-diary-of-an-internet-dating-novice/

  4. It’s becoming a disappointment and slight bruise to my ego that the guys whose profiles I liked, and winked at or emailed, have not responded.

    From my experience on Match.com, as well as the long conversations I’ve had with female friends who’re also on there, this is my conclusion:

    Because Match contains a veritable litany of dating profiles, the folks (men and women) who know are articulate and witty, who know how to craft a profile, and who have the great photos to go with their words, are literally inundated with emails.

    Point being, the guys whose profiles you like are likely the guys whose profiles hundreds of other women like. That’s some tough competition there.

    Anyway, please don’t think that I’m dissing your appearance here. Obviously, I have no idea what you look like. I’m just saying that, unfortunately, the “great” profiles out there are going to be getting a lot of attention. So, it’s not a reflection of you if you’re not getting responses from the guys you message. It’s a reflection of the sheer number of online daters, and what each individual person has to compete with….

    And that’s my 20 cents. 🙂

    • M-A LiYu

      I agree it’s not easy. A profile has to say enough, yet not too much. Too many women [and some men] write too much. And few have the ability to express themselves – they lose their audience at the next paragraph, if they know how to use paragraphs at all. To be honest, I put my profile up and did nothing. Because at the end of the day, no matter how much we have evolved as a ‘society’, men, always like to make the first move. Regardless of where they are from.

    • I agree to some degree, but then there are the guys profiles which have obviously been overly groomed. I have found some guys who have crafted poems about themselves. Style points but, really, you spent an afternoon putting that much effort into an ONLINE DATING PROFILE. I guess their knitting hobby isn’t taking up enough time.

      • [peals of laughter!!!!] I often sit and stare at the profiles with huge amounts of words and think: how much time did that take? How did he find the time? You’re right, they are not knitting enough!

  5. I like reading and if my eyes start to glaze over because you are actually trying to reach that 10,000 word limit…wow, that’s all I have to say.

    • M-A LiYu

      Is there really a 10,000 word-limit in the “About Me” section of profiles on dating sites? ^^

      • I’m not sure what it is exactly, but they give you a large word allotment. It sometimes feels like they’ve written a War & Peace-like about me section.

  6. I was ecstatic the day my eHarmony account expired. I was on OK Cupid for an hour before I canceled my account. The guys I went out with from the dating sites constantly talked about their ex-wives and girlfriends. I am clueless as to what men want. They all complain about women being crazy… gee. With men like that, it’s a mystery as to why all women are nut jobs.

    • I’m going to stick the three months out. See what happens or not. And then join a convent.

    • M-A LiYu

      Do you know that eHarmony is now very well advertised in Australia? They claim that x% of marriages in the US were from ‘unions’ from there – I think that’s great if you come from a country of 200 million [or is it 400?] Regardless we have about 20+ million here – the numbers don’t look promising. My foray into online dating was my 10 year-old’s suggestion – she thought she was ready for me to have a playmate – and suggested that I joined eHarmony. I paid the subscription and received all of one match in all of Australia. I mean ALL. They even went as far as to tell me to redo the damn survey again to increase my matches – which to me seems contrary to the values that I uphold, now at 41 years of age – i.e. that I do not wish to compromise my values [not ideals, values]. eHarmony even suggested that I widen my search. Quite honestly, I didn’t see the point of communicating with someone in Puerto Rico – it could be profitable, I guess. I could sell an Aussie citizenship for say … 50 grand? [joking!]

      I am taking a self-imposed hiatus http://michanne.wordpress.com/2010/08/23/im-not-into-games/
      After a month – I cannot say that I am a patient person which may be my undoing. But who can be patient with all the nonsense that one encounters? Instead, I shall continue to blog about … ermmm Life in general?

      p.s. Men have the same complain: that the women they meet talk about the ex-es and past meets etc. For the most part, I think that if we all could dispense with expectations and forget about the past, perhaps we would all do much better? Or that we have to learn that we are all wiping the slate clean and starting again. The trouble is, we are all the sum of our experiences – bad and good.

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