my dear john letter

There’s a blog on here where readers can compose “letters” to their past loves and submit them to be published in a public forum without it actually going to the person.  Great idea.

If you could write a letter to someone you left or broke your heart, what would you say?

A fellow blogger posted an open letter to her ex.  Fan-freakin-tastic post!  Please read it.

For the most part, all of those that I have had some kind of romantic interaction with, I wish them good will and luck in their lives.  There are a few whom I wish bodily harm, but really just want them to suffer.

Here is what my “dear john” letter would look like.  It’s just a funny coincidence that his name is John.

Dear John,

When I met you, you were a welcome sign of relief from my previous boyfriend.  That sign of relief turned out to be short-lived.  Had I known then what you would turn out to be, I could have saved myself a ton of grief.

I’ve already let you know that you have disappointed me and hurt me in a million ways to Sunday.  You know that.  You know that I feel bad and sorry for all those in your life, for they don’t know what a true asshole you are.  They all think that the sun shines out of your ass, but we both know otherwise.  What bothers me the most is that they don’t know what a selfish, manipulative, close-minded, cowardly, self-absorbed, shallow, judgmental, lying, narcissist, douche bag you really are.

For shits and giggles, why don’t we break down all your traits.

Selfish: Everything you do in your life is for your benefit and your benefit only.  Something may on the surface seem altruistic, but really it is to further your career or to project to others how “wonderful” you are.

Manipulative: You feel the need to control all situations.  You couldn’t control me, at least with me knowing it.  Is that why you couldn’t fully commit to me and found someone else, who is younger and seemingly more naïve than me?  I don’t know her, but given that she’s from small town Ohio, from a conservative family, went to a tiny rural university, (and doesn’t know how not to get pregnant), I’m guessing that she’s probably very quiet, very sweet, very nice, very obedient, very unworldly… you know, the complete opposite of me.  But you know that I will not be someone’s doormat.

Close-minded: I know you never said it to my face, but I suspect that the fact that my oldest brother is gay would have been a problem.  Having family members who are homosexual (my brother and two cousins) wouldn’t fly in your conservative mid-Western close-knit family.  I’m not saying there would have been major issues and I’m sure you and your family would have been polite to my gay family members, but you all would’ve definitely been uncomfortable.

Cowardly: I fully admit that I can be stubborn and have my bitchy moments.  But honestly, that is not my usual demeanor and you know that.  If I had my moments, it was usually in response to something you said or did.  I’m pretty easy-going.  It takes a lot to piss me off.  Perhaps I am too forgiving and laid back.  I let too much bullshit fly because I didn’t let it bother me to the extent it would someone else.  However, when you did push me to the point where I showed my bitchy side, you couldn’t handle it and would retreat – from me, from the argument/issue at hand.  You couldn’t face me or the disagreement.  As strong as you think you are, you hate confrontation, no matter how big or small.  Grow some balls!  Or in your own words, “man up!”  It takes a strong man to be with a strong woman and stand up to her and it’s quite obvious that you aren’t a strong man.

Self-absorbed/Self-important/Narcissist: You think the world revolves around you.  Newsflash – it doesn’t!!!  Every time you told me how important you are to your job, I had to bite my tongue.  I really wish I hadn’t, but that’s the past.  You truly believe that your company’s sales force would fall apart without you.  Guess what?  No one is that important.  You think that you are irreplaceable in your position.  Again, you are not.  Everybody is expendable.  Yes, you make a lot of money because you are good at your job.  Does that make you a better person?  Hell no.  It just makes you a douche bag because you think it does.

Shallow: This one has ties to the whole money-earning thing.  You once asked me if I could be attracted to someone who doesn’t make a lot of money.  I said yes.  You then asked why?  That’s a simple answer.  Because I don’t care how much money someone makes.  I’m not a gold digger.  Sure, I would prefer to be with someone who makes a very nice living, but if I fall for someone, I don’t really care what his paycheck is.  Might life be a little tougher if he doesn’t make a ton of money?  Maybe, but lots of money doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship.  Just ask any wealthy person out there!  The fact that you married someone who doesn’t make a lot of money really surprised me.  I don’t make a ton of money, but definitely enough to live comfortably in New York City and enough to think that I’m successful with where I am now in my career.  I also suspect that I make more than your wife.  Yet, you didn’t give me credit where credit was due.

Judgmental: You can be extremely judgmental, even if you don’t want to believe it.  There were times I couldn’t believe what came out of your mouth and we fought about it.  In the end, we agreed to disagree with what you said.

Lying: Where do I start?  You lied to me and your now-wife regarding dating/sleeping with someone else.  You lied to me about loving me.  You said it, but quite obviously didn’t mean it.  Or you meant it, and lied to your wife.  Either way, you lied.

Douche bag: Easy.  Add up all the above attributes and there you have a douche bag.

Even after all you put me through over the years, I don’t regret the relationship.  It ultimately made me a stronger woman.  It opened my eyes and knocked away the rose-colored filter I was looking through.  Sadly, it was a waste of over two years of my life, but I’ve definitely learned a lot from it.  C’est la vie.

I don’t forgive you.  I don’t think I ever will.  You took all my trust and belief in you and used it against me.  Plain and simple – you used me.  I gave you all the space you needed and let you run on a very long leash.  Was that my mistake?  Maybe.  But I will learn from my mistakes.  Will you learn from yours?



  1. “No one is that important. You think that you are irreplaceable in your position. Again, you are not. Everybody is expendable. Yes, you make a lot of money because you are good at your job. Does that make you a better person? Hell no. It just makes you a douche bag because you think it does”
    YAYYYYYY….I LOVE it!!!!
    And thank you for linking and suggesting my ranting letter to my DB as well!!! Ranters unite and rally together!!

  2. everevie

    I love it! I guess I’m not that angry yet. I’m so hurt right now…and trying to mask the hurt as anger…but it’s really just pain.


  1. 35 was a really bad *love* year « adventures in babysitting…men

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