embarking on my journey of enlightenment
This past weekend I saw Eat, Pray, Love with a couple of girlfriends. I very much enjoyed the movie. I haven’t read the book yet, but have downloaded it.
Many parts or aspects of the movie resonate with me and my friends. I feel like in these past months, I am trying to figure out exactly what I want. I think I know who I am. I’m comfortable with that. But it’s pinpointing what I want – out of my job, from a significant other, from my family and friends, out of life.
While I don’t have the money right now to take a year off to find myself, I feel as though I can do some of that soul-searching on my home turf.
This is the easy one. It took a week after the whole John thing for my appetite to come back, but it did so with a vengeance! I haven’t stopped eating since and my tummy and hips will attest to the fact.
I suppose it doesn’t help that getting together with friends (which has been immensely therapeutic for me) comes with over indulging in food and drink. I love the support and nights/days out with my friends, but I may need to cut back on the gourmet therapy. My mental health has improved notably, but my physical health is being compromised. No more wallowing in French fries and nachos and cheese plates. No more “just one more beer or glass of wine” and empty calories. After all, I’m single again; I can’t be piling on the pounds and feeling gross about myself. I want to be able to look in the mirror and think “now that is one hot chick!” The more confident I feel about how I look, the better I’ll come across to others.
This may be a tougher one to grasp. I’m not particularly religious. I tend to think I’m more spiritual. I don’t think I could handle an extended period of time at an ashram, but not sure I could even do a two-day meditation retreat. Sitting in silence equals too much time in my head and too much thinking and my neurosis will take over.
I’m going to have to figure out the best way for me to “pray,” in whatever form it may be. I’ll get back to you on that one.
Now this is a work in progress. As I reflect on past relationships, I gain greater knowledge of what I do and don’t want. Sometimes I can recognize that there was some particular personality trait that an ex-boyfriend exhibited that I didn’t like at the time, but let it go. I now know that if I see it, I won’t do that. I won’t make up excuses for poor behavior. I won’t think that something is cute, when it’s clearly not, just because I am into him. I know it’s a lot to ask that the man meet all the criteria on my laundry list of wants, but I’m done with excusing the blatantly bad stuff.