first date #1 – done and done

My first date with Brooklyn Runner guy… 4 1/2 hours long.  I enjoyed talking to him.  He was very nice and seemed totally into me.

What’s wrong?

Well, sitting next to him, even after 3 beers… I had NO desire to ever kiss him.

The conversation flowed easily and I thought he was amusing most of the time.  I just didn’t feel any spark.  Now, I am a firm believer in the spark.  I’ve given guys second, third, fourth chances on dates and still… nothing.

I wish it was there.  He seemed like a great guy.  I know he’s going to ask me out again (and it’s not me being cocky and over-confident), he already asked me to catch a jazz show one afternoon in a couple of weeks halfway thru the date and then said he’d like to hang out again when he walked me to the subway.  I just don’t see a romantic connection and I don’t want to lead him on.  I’m going to be honest with him.  I don’t even want to give him the “we could be friends” thing. 

Ah well… Who’s next?

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9 Comments

  1. Good for you for recognizing it early. Just say “NO” to second dates that have no chance…it only makes things harder on the 4th date.

    Bummer, but you will find a good one soon…

  2. I am a firm believer in the “spark” – I usually give it at least two dates (you’re both nervous on date #1) but on dates like this, where you *know* you never want to kiss him, I agree, just say no.

    At least it wasn’t too horrible. Congrats on the first, first date!

  3. Oh my gosh, I could have written this exact entry! I have friends who encourage me to give the guy a 2nd or even 3rd date, after I’ve felt zero spark on the 1st. I love when people say, “Hey, it’s a free meal.” Um, it’s a free meal with someone I’m not attracted to. I’d rather pay for my own meal and eat alone.

    One of my best friends has always asked me, “Can you picture yourself kissing him?” And I think that is a great barometer. Because, if you can’t even picture that, then there isn’t much spark.

    All of us deserve to get butterflies with whoever we are dating, especially the first few dates. I’ve not had butterflies in a long time, but I still have hope for the spark!

  4. I got asked out by someone I met on eHarmony a few weeks ago. We’ve been emailing, texting and calling and last night we were supposed to meet up. I got a text message at 2 am saying that he forgot to tell me he went to South Carolina for a few days.

    So this guy apparently didn’t feel a spark after he asked me out. At least you got a meal out of it. I got stood up.

    I’m starting to think that this whole dating process isn’t worth it and that I should get a cat.

    • Pam, that guy is a dumbass, he doesn’t know what he’s missing. It has only been a little over a week with Match and I’m almost ready to throw in the towel. None of the guys that I emailed or winked at have responded and I’m not thrilled at the ones who have contacted me. Ugh.

      I’ve got two cats and I have to say that they love me unconditionally and are always more than willing to snuggle on my lap and give me kitty kisses.

      • Lets face it, men suck, no, lets say that people in general suck. They are insensitive, selfish, hypocritical, and just plain mean. Obviously not all of them, I mean, I have to have hope of some sorts, but for now, I’m happy with 4 cats and a dog. I always have unconditional love, hugs, and kisses, plus I’m kept really warm on a cold night. 😉

        • Animals are wonderful furry little furnaces that are great on cold nights!

  5. If you felt no spark, it’s ok, you don’t have to want to be friends either. I have on one occasion taken the advice to give them a second date, and on that date I actually did feel a spark, and continued seeing him for a while. But, in my head, I knew he wasn’t “the one”, that it was just a temporary thing and there were no real feelings. So my gut was right in the beginning about no real “chemistry”, but I wish I hadn’t dated him and instead become his friend, I think that is where things got mixed up for me, what I was feeling was friendship and nothing more.

    Maybe the next guy. They say it’s a numbers game, but I played the odd’s and still came out empty handed. I’d rather stay at home with a good book than keep going out with the schmucks and being disappointed when I feel nothing.

  6. ughhhh…chemistry…who can figure it out?!!! I’m soooo glad you went though!!!

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