my freedom – escape from the “life suck”
Hindsight is 20/20. That’s what they all say and you know what? It’s true. We can all look back and replay past relationships and see what was wrong, although in the moment we were blind to it. As I reflect on my past relationship with John, I can see that I was being held back. The fun-loving, carefree part of me was being repressed. Why? John didn’t enjoy the silly things in life. He might have at one point, but after a few months of dating, he changed into an uptight, all work/no play workaholic. I no longer felt comfortable acting silly around him, wondering if he would look down on me. He was a “life suck”, a person who begins to suck the life out of you until you are a boring, lifeless version of your old self. That is no way to live. I don’t ever want to feel like I need to suppress a fun and crucial part of who I am.
This thought really came to light last night when I was out for a friend’s birthday. First we started at Down the Hatch in the Village. Now we are a group of 30’s and 40’s year olds. The birthday boy was turning 41. The median age of the bar was probably 22. Yet, we had a great time in a dive bar, with people playing beer pong, foosball and scarfing down hot wings and pitchers of Bud Light. A simple, non-frou frou place to act ridiculous and we loved it. John would have gone to such a place, but reluctantly.
Next we went to a karaoke bar. This is something I am quite sure John would have never done with me. But while we were there, a certain boy texted me to see where I was (he had been to dinner with friends). I said karaoke and he said he’d be there asap. Once he got there he didn’t sing, but he could appreciate when my friends got up and sang and danced and acted extremely silly when our songs came up. He enjoyed seeing me have fun. This is what I want in a relationship. I never want to again feel like I can’t be myself, no matter how absurd I may be acting, around a guy.
Life is too short to not be who we really are. If you ever feel like you can’t be your true self around your significant other, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship. You should never feel held back, nor should you hold someone else back.
I finally feel free again to be the silly, carefree person that those who love me, love me for. It kind of feels like I’ve been sprung from prison and can live my life again.