This is a follow-up to the last ranty post. I’ve been wanting to write it for a few days, but I was without my macbook for over a week and I finally have it back (yay!).
I was so aggravated by that HP article that I just fired off a post in haste and missed saying a lot of what I really wanted to say. I so appreciate the comments. A special thanks to Matthew for linking back to the post.
It wasn’t so much the actual 20 items themselves that pissed me off so much, but the laziness of the author. As I mentioned in the comments section, I felt that it was terribly lazy of the author to compile the list that he or she did. I don’t care if people put together lists – hell, I do it all the time. But if you are going to publish an article on a major website that is going to have a large readership, then you better do some due diligence and put some effort into it and not produce a piece of doody. The author did not post his or her name and one commenter on HP suggested that possibly the author was embarrassed to attach their name to something so asinine. I tend to agree with that.
A better effort could have been made to compile a valid list of things that an unmarried person would not understand. Such as the feeling of signing your marriage license – elation to marrying your love or dread of entering into a legally binding contract or apathy towards a relationship which has a 50/50 chance of working out. Or any combination of those. Those feelings I wouldn’t understand.
But aside from things associated with a wedding or being legally bound to another, I don’t know what there is about marriage that an unmarried, but serious, living together couple wouldn’t understand. I’d argue that couples living together and/or with children understand what it’s like to be married, without being married. The everyday, living together stuff – good and bad – is not necessarily reserved for married couples only. To the married folks out there: what is there about marriage that I totally would not understand? I’m not trying to be an asshole (at least not now) and I really would like to know. Please enlighten me.
As for the whole “you would only understand if you’re ___” nonsense…it is usually a load of crap. I know we’ve all said something similar. I sure have. But there’s that old adage about walking in someone else’s shoes that rings true. You really wouldn’t know unless you walk in that individual’s shoes.
If I were to say, “you would only understand what it’s like being Asian if you’re Asian,” well, no, that’s ridiculous. I understand my experiences being Asian. I don’t fully understand the plight of all Asians worldwide. I couldn’t even begin to completely understand a fraction of what Asians on the other side of the world or even in my apartment building deal with, nor would any of them fully understand what I go through.
Everyone is different with different experiences. We shouldn’t generalize a population.
Anyway, I just wanted to elaborate beyond the original rant what I thought of the article and its subject matter.
Oh hey, I’m back! Well, with a new type of post…a mid-week rant! Aren’t you lucky!
Earlier this week, Huffington Post had an article, “20 Things Only Married People Will Understand,” that was published on 11/18/13. Many of you may have already read it. I was a few days late in the game of seeing it, but it was posted in the Weddings section, so come on, really, why would I have seen it? I found it after I saw others voice their objections to the article on Twitter.
There are so many ways this article and list incensed me. Beginning with the first two sentences: “There are certain things in life you can’t fully understand until you’ve been through them yourself. And marriage is definitely one of those things.” Exsqueeze me? Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve been living under a rock and have never been exposed to married couples. I haven’t ever been around married family members, married neighbors, married friends, married coworkers, married fricken strangers on the street, etc. Nor have I ever talked to any married person about their marriage. I have NO idea what marriage is like. I can’t fully understand marriage because I’ve never been married. Oh, please. Having been married only gives you better insight to your marriage, not the institution of marriage as a whole. And even that’s not guaranteed.
Then there’s the list itself, which is supposedly compiled from HP’s readers. Now I get that it wasn’t one person listing out these tidbits and that they came from a variety of people. What is so outrageous is that the author who culled the list believes that only married people can relate to the 20 gems he or she chose. The majority of the list is not solely reserved for married people at all. Having had or been in any variety of relationships could have you reading each and agreeing or understanding. Not to mention possessing a little bit of compassion and empathy, and uh, maybe just being a human being, and you could get it.
The first item talked about how monogamy may be boring, but it’s so much more fulfilling than being single. I think my head actually exploded at this. This is making assumptions, some insufferable. That marriage = monogamy. That monogamy = boring. That being single = unfulfilling. Oh, OK. The article got me there. I am single and therefore, my life couldn’t possibly be fulfilling. Only marriage can solve that for me. Fucking please.
A few items talked about how you can simultaneously love and be utterly annoyed or angry with or dislike someone at the same time. This is supposed to only apply to married couples? Umm, how about towards family members? Friends? There have been plenty of times I’ve loved someone, but not really liked them at the same time and I’m not married. Whoa there! How did that happen?
How about the little gold nugget of being able to forgive and move on? I’ve apparently been in the wrong my whole life and failed to understand that forgiveness only occurs in marriage. Oops. But hey, on the bright side, I don’t have to dole out any forgiveness until I’m married. So, kiss my ass, I forgive no one!
Then there’s companionship meaning more than sex. I wouldn’t know anything about that, you know, being a pet owner that doesn’t have sex with their pet. Or from hanging out with friends and family with whom I do not have the sex.
What about the concept of “forever”? Hmm, “forever”? I’m single, nope, never heard of that. What is it? Divorce lawyers can attest that fifty percent of married couples don’t know what it is either. At least I’m not alone in my ignorance.
“Picking your battles wisely” or sometimes having to choose between being right or having peace – I’m pretty sure this is not exclusive to marriage. I’ve had to let things go or waive being right in order the keep the peace. And I’d suggest that anyone who deals with children knows well how to pick their battles wisely.
Someone mentioned the need for space being normal and necessary. If there is anything I do know, it would be THIS. I understand the need for space. Give it to me and give me a lot of it.
How about marriage being great, but it’s hard work. Well, duh? But you know what also can be really great, but hard work? A lot of things! Cooking a whole Thanksgiving dinner by yourself. Training for a marathon. Raising kids. Holding a job. The list is endless and you don’t need to be married for many of them.
There’s the romantic who ponied up with “true love transcends everything else”. Aww, how fucking sweet. Because only married couples experience “true love”. It’s like some crazy conservative Christian wrote that…”there’s no such thing as true love outside of the sanctity of marriage!” Bitch, don’t even go there.
And you know, only married people understand the real definition of commitment. Well, according to the Oxford Dictionary, it is a noun and there are two definitions: 1. the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. and 2. (usually commitments) an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action. Given that I can read and comprehend basic sentences, I’d say that I understand the real definition of commitment.
Someone offered up that open bathroom doors are something to get used to. Umm, OK, I don’t get this. But I will never get this. Even if I am one day married, I will never agree to an open bathroom door policy. NEVER.
And lastly, marriage is nothing like dating. I’m pretty sure I understand the difference between the two. I think a lot of people do, married or not. That’s why one is called “marriage” and the other, “dating”. Thanks for the heads-up, Captain Obvi.
Aaannnnnnnd more photos! (really this is me being too lazy to write)
(Roughly 6 million bodies are buried in this ossuary beneath Paris. Signs at the entrance warn against small children or those with a nervous disposition entering.)
La Basilique du Sacré Cœur de Montmartre
Train to Épernay
The photo tour of Paris continues…
Pont des Arts (a bridge on the Seine where lovers add padlocks with their names to commemorate their love and toss the keys in the Seine – GAG – no, but seriously, it’s really pretty, especially in the morning sun)
I.M Pei Pyramids outside of the Louvre
Musée du Louvre
Napoleon III Apartment in the Richelieu wing
Architecture of the Louvre (the buildings themselves are magnificent and beautiful)
We had a pleasant three-hour train ride from Amsterdam to Paris. I tried my darnedest to get quaint French county-side pictures. I was trying to get the cute little town with the church and its chapel. Out of god-knows-how-many-picture-attempts, I maybe managed to get a few decent ones.
Arriving at our Paris home, we were met by the house manager, Mr. Marcel. What a delight he was! He manages the apartment for the French owners, who live, coincidentally, in New York City. Mr. Marcel is a spry, charming 82-year-old who showed us the whole house which consisted of four floors, 5 bedrooms, 3 baths, and a roof terrace – a HUGE place for 3 ladies. He was very helpful in telling us where to go in the neighborhood and how to get around. On our departure, he called us a cab and saw us off.
Cimetière du Montparnasse (gorgeous, peaceful cemetery with really pretty and ornate mausoleums)
Jardin du Luxembourg
Cathédrale Notre Dame
La Seine (right before the torrential downpour)
Château de Versailles
Champs-Éysées & Arc de Triomphe de l’Étoile
Those are pics from the first two days in Paris. I took over 1000 pics in France. It’s such a beautiful city and my photo skills don’t do it justice.
Next up: the last few days of Paris.
It’s been a long time…I know. I apologize!
Boring stuff first.
Work is work. It’s mellowed and not as crazy.
Dating? What’s that? I am not on any site currently and haven’t been for awhile. Just got tired of it all and needed a break.
I did meet someone in real life who may be interesting. It was at a work-thingy happy hour back in late June for the alumni of my college. Not sure how to read him. I was the first guest to arrive at the happy hour his company sponsored. The company has its headquarters in the town where my college is and a lot of their employees are alumni. I was chatting with some of the sales team, getting to know them, as I had never met any of them before. He came up to us and inserted himself into the conversation and soon it was just he and I chatting. Then he had to excuse himself and my two friends (whom I was graciously allowed to invite even though they don’t work in media, but simply because they were alumni, too) arrived and I went off to talk to them. Later as I was leaving the party, I had to walk past him and I wanted to say goodbye. I walked over to him and told him it was nice to meet him and talk with him and he said likewise and pulled me in for a hug. A few days later I connected on LinkedIn to all the sales people I met at the party, for multiple reasons: 1) they are new work contacts, 2) their company is going to hold alumni events in the future and I want to ensure invites to them, and 3) I wanted a way to connect with the cute boy. With the invitations, I made sure that I mentioned that it was a pleasure meeting and chatting with them at the Thursday night event, so that they would understand the invitation in context and would remember me for the alumni events. While the others just accepted the invitation, the cute guy wrote back saying that he agreed that it was so nice chatting and that he looked forward to the next time we hang out. We emailed back and forth a bit. The last message was from him to me, so I guess it’s my turn to respond. I’m not sure if he was being so friendly because he’s just a nice guy, or if he’s interested, or if he’s just being a salesman (that is his job after all). I guess at the latest, I might see him Labor Day weekend at my college football game at Giants Stadium, because his company is going to sponsor a tailgate and I am totally going. I should write to him this week, though, and maybe we can accelerate a meeting.
In other news, my bff’s little brother got married! It was such an awesome wedding. I laughed, I cried. Such good times.
This past weekend, I went up with 4 others to the Berkshires. We rented a house and went to see West Side Story (film being shown while the Boston Pops did all the music) at Tanglewood. It was incredible – the movie, the company, the wine, the cheese. The night before we found these enormous marshmallows at the supermarket. I’ve never seen jumbo sized marshmallows, so of course I need to buy them because they are so ridiculous. But you know what’s even more ridiculous? Holding a contest to see who can shove two of them into their pie holes. I suppose it was a tie between one of my friends and I, and even then, neither of us was able to shove the entire two marshmallows in. But here’s a picture of how (un)successful I was.
I am sorry for the scary no eyes look, but trying to be somewhat anonymous. As if the blurred out eyes are the worst part of this whole photo! Also, impossible to say “chubby bunny” with even just one whole one in your mouth (I’m not sharing that picture).
Here’s some exciting news…I am planning on going to Amsterdam and Paris with two friends in mid-September. One will be in the Netherlands for work and the other friend and I will fly out and meet her in Amsterdam. I’ve never been to Amsterdam and there are things that I didn’t see the last times I did Paris, so I am so excited. I got the okay for the days off and hopefully in the next day or two, we’ll book our flights. Woo hoo!
I think that’s it, kids. For now, at least. Till next time!
Wow, I am totally Squidward from SpongeBob Squarepants. Don’t know how I haven’t recognized this before.
Pretty much sums me up these days.
That’s all for today, folks…Now Get Off My Lawn!