It’s been a long time, I know. Perhaps I should start calling these “mid-year randoms”. I apologize to those who do visit and see nothing new posted.
- Things are kaput with Scott, as of awhile now. We wound up hanging out one more time after the last post. I had a bit of a scare that he found my blog and I’m not entirely sure he didn’t (he could be reading this, oops). I won’t go into details of why I think this, but it was entirely my fault and my stupidity using email on my Macbook. Anyhoo, the last time we hung out, he had invited me over to watch a movie. We all know what that is code for. And this was the 4th date (not that I have a schedule for this kind of thing). Yeah, you get the picture. It happened. I am not going to comment on it. We kept in touch the week after. I was still working crazy hours so I was too busy to hang out during the work week. Then the weekend came along and along with the snowstorm that hit, I also made plans to hang out with friends (whom I hadn’t seen in a while either from working long hours). Then contact just fizzled and truthfully, I was not upset about that. The kissing was never going to improve.
- I had a guy email me on OKCupid who I had met a year and a half ago when I was on Match. We actually went out on a date. It wasn’t a great date, but wasn’t bad. Just whatever. I wasn’t going to respond to his email at first, but then figured what the hell. I responded and told him that we met before. He apologized for not remembering details, but after I filled him in a little more, he remembered and then signed off and wished me luck in my search. Meh.
- There is one guy that I am currently in contact with in those rare moments I sign onto OKC and check messages. Seems okay so far, but (and there is always a “but”) he lives in Philly. He works in NYC and commutes back and forth every day. Holy shit. I think my 30 min commute sucks some days. Now I am not sure how the logistics of dating would work should it progress to actually hanging out. With his living in Philly and my long work hours (still), not sure when we’d be able to hang out.
- Saw FB pics of a fellow blogger’s (you know who you are!) recent trip to Disney for the Disney Princess Half Marathon and let me tell you how jealous I was! Looked like so much fun! Now I am thinking that I need to do that next year.
- Finally NYRR is offering a way to get guaranteed entry into the NYC Half that doesn’t involve completing 4 of the 5 borough series races (no offense to outer borough peeps, but hauling ass out there for 7AM races sucks big time for this chicky. I realize that many many people haul ass into Manhattan for all the Central Park races and I’m spoiled living less than 10 mins from the park.). The last two Half’s I was not chosen in the lottery. They are offering guaranteed entry for next year if you volunteer to work this year’s Half. So, I will be waking my sorry ass up at 4AM this Sunday to do a 5.5 hour shift starting at 5AM.
- I had a *moment* right after I got my taxes done. No joke, it took about 20 minutes to do my income taxes (both federal and state). Why so quick? Because NOTHING in my life is any different from what it was a year ago, or for that matter, from 5 years ago. And that is why I had a *moment*, that happened to occur while I was at the Columbus Circle subway station waiting to go home. There I was, standing on the subway platform, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My life is stalled. It’s like everyone else’s lives around me are progressing and I am stuck. Like someone has their hand on my forehead, and is telling me “no no no, not so fast. Where do you think you’re going? Step back, ain’t nothing here for you.” I am in the same rental apartment. Working at the same job. I’m still filing taxes as a single person. I am not claiming any dependents. Tears sprung to my eyes and I had to keep myself from flinging myself into the path of an oncoming train (seriously, would never do that…I would never fuck up other people’s commutes. But really, I’m not suicidal, just have a case of the sads).
- There is this mentally unstable woman who walks around the Upper East Side and rides the subways who screams at people and spits on them. I recently read stories about her terrorizing the ‘hood last summer and told a friend about her. My friend, who also lives on the UES, and I had never heard about her or seen her before. Well, tonight I saw her on the street. She was standing in the doorway to a vacant storefront. She was doing that gross throat clearing thing and spitting. Thankfully, she was spitting on the building instead of at people walking past her. Yuck.
Anyhoo, that is pretty much all that is going on with me. See, you didn’t really miss much in the month and half that I haven’t written. I’ll try not to stay away for that long again. Hope you are all having a good week so far!
But just barely.
I know I’ve been neglecting this blog. Work has just been kicking me in the ass last week and will continue to do so this week. I got saddled with an enormous project that is in response to another department’s screw up. Yes, please, let me help fix what you fucked up! Thanks for all the work!
So, yeah, I’ve pretty much been slogging away doing work, while at work. A departure from my usual fairly easy days. I’m still at work at nearly 8PM. I spent most days working late last week. I anticipate this week will be the same.
Anyway, to catch you all up on the dating stuff. I went out two more times with Scott. I’m kinda up in the air with him. He’s definitely a great guy. We have fun together. There’s just one thing though that really bothers me…he’s not a good kisser. I’m thinking he might actually be the worst kisser I’ve ever come across. And I’ve kissed a lot of guys over the past couple of decades. Don’t know what to do, cause everything else about him is great. Gah!
And I heard from Mr. Runner, who is back in town. He texted last week, but we’ve yet to make plans to meet up. <sigh>. I have to check out and maybe respond to a few guys on OKCupid, I just really haven’t had the time.
Ok, back to work…
I’m sure many of you have already seen these on YouTube or Tumblr. The latest, Bad Lip Reading of the NFL, has been making rounds on other sites and FB. Just want to share the funny, if you haven’t yet been introduced.
So, Mr. Runner has had to postpone our first meeting. He is being sent to the UAE last minute on Friday for work and had to bag tonight’s plans. I’m inclined to believe him, as he’s been really nice so far and just giving him the benefit of the doubt that he’s telling the truth. He did tell me that he was sad that we’re not meeting because he wore a nice tie for it today.
A part of me is glad that it’s postponed because I’m a wee tired from last night’s wine tasting class and then dinner/wine afterwards with friends. It was a little aggressive of me to kick off my 1st full work week in a really long time with Monday and Tuesday drinkfests. Now I can go home, order in some sushi, and chill out and go to bed early, so that maybe (gasp!), I’ll make to the gym in the AM.
My job has some perks, but none that have me traveling overseas. A conference in Vegas doesn’t cut it. How do these people get these jobs? Harumph. Oh wells.
So far, I’m still on with Scott for Friday. Yay!
Happy New Year! Is that old yet? Yes? OK, sorry.
I know I’ve been lax about posting, but really for a while there was nothing worth writing about. I didn’t really want to talk about horrible stuff going on around the world. My Christmas in Florida was relatively uneventful, though quite lovely. My New Year’s Eve was booze filled and full of laughs with some great friends.
I finally have some action on the dating front. I swear on Dec 31 and Jan 1, it was like all of a sudden my eHarmony box blew up and I got requests to start communication. This was after months of virtually nothing. Guess on top of everyone’s list of resolutions was to find a significant other. Sadly, I was not blown away by any of those men.
I got my usual handful of emails on OKCupid, however, there were a couple of guys I was emailing prior to the holidays with whom communication picked back up in the New Year. The first guy, Mr. Runner (until I meet him and come up with a better name), seems pretty nice from our email conversations. We are meeting for the first time this coming Tuesday evening. We’ll see how that goes.
The other guy, we’ll call Scott, I met for the first time last Friday night. We had originally planned for a Thursday meeting, but he had to postpone to Friday due to a late night work conference call with the other side of the world. Shit happens, I understood and so Friday it was. As we weren’t meeting until 9PM on Friday, I went home in between work and heading out to meet him. Because I was home and settling down (a bit) on a cold, windy night, I was soooo close to canceling on him. I am so glad I did not.
I chose a restaurant/bar that was located between our apartments, so neither of us would have to go far out of our way. I got there a few minutes early to find the bar area crazy packed. And as my life goes, I spied a former co-worker sitting at the bar with his friend. I hid from him, because yeah, didn’t want to have that awkward conversation that I was there to meet an online date for the 1st time. So, I stood by the door and Scott walked in not two minutes later. I suggested we find another less crowded bar and so we walked. Chatting and walking for about 12 blocks (turning around after 7) we were so caught up in talking that we weren’t really looking out for a bar. We finally stop at one corner and I break out my AroundMe app to find a nearby place. I see one bar listed in the app that I know is good and am all like “Did we walk past it??? It should be on this corner.” Only to look across the avenue and see the restaurant’s name is the biggest letters ever. (I’m usually really good at reading maps and uh, seeing things.)
We get a table and order a cheese plate (of course, I suggested this) and a glass of wine each. And we continue talking. And drinking. And talking. And laughing. Until 2AM. It wasn’t until we took turns to use the restroom and I checked my phone to see that it was 2AM and the restaurant was preparing to close for the night. What a great first date! I hadn’t had one this good since that one guy almost a year ago. That never advanced to a second date, but I have date #2 lined up with Scott next Friday. And I am very much looking forward to it!
Though he is a couple of years younger than me, he’s exceptionally well-traveled (lived/worked in more than a dozen countries), very intelligent, driven and established in his career. And holy hell, he made me laugh. He miraculously found me quite charming and funny, too. (Believe it or not, but sometimes I am able turn off the raving bitch mode). Oh, and he’s got a great accent being originally from across the pond. Lord knows I love a foreign accent! Fingers and toes crossed that date #2 goes just as well
Here’s another sampling of messages I’ve gotten. My comments in green.
“its nice to see you here lets start with a hello, so we can be friends. what is your name? i really would like to know more about you. hope to hear from you.
What do you do during weekends? and what would you rather you be Doing for this weekend?
oh how do you feel talking on the phone?” (It always makes me shake my head when capitalization is sporadic. I get not using at all. I’m not one to capitalize when I am IMing others. But to use it on some sentences or random words within a sentence? That I don’t get. EDIT: This guy sent the exact same message again.)
“This is a long shot for all the obvious reasons, but you are obviously intelligent, attractive, and local, so I thought I’d write. However, I’m well aware that there is nothing in your profile that hints that you might enjoy the specific type of situation I’d like to find out here.
Still, I’d appreciate it if you would at least read my profile and let me know if my the type of situation I envision might possibly work for you. If not, please take my message in the good spirit in which it was intended, and the best of luck on OKC.” (This guy had a username that alluded to his “skills”. He is basically looking to satisfy a woman with no strings attached while she looks for Mr. Right. Not a bad deal if you’re into it. It’s just that he’s 57 years old and uh, no. Just no. But I appreciated his honesty and pleasant and coherent note to me.)
“Hi there, doing anything fun tonight?” (Erm, maybe.)
“Hello…. I am not seeking any relationship or commitment. would like to be a friend. I like your profile. You are pretty and unique with cool smile.” (Thanks for the compliment, but I am looking for a relationship, not friendship. This guy also lived across the country.)
“hlo…how r u?” (It’s like playing Wheel of Fortune…fill in the missing letters and win a prize/date!)
“Beware l am really a Rogue that would put you on my back and carry you off to my pirate ship.” (Ooo, a pirate ship! Aye aye matey!)
“I really liked reading your profile and think your very sexy hot ..couldn’t help but say that something about you is really drawing me in..would love to get to know you more..” (Very sexy hot. Dayum. Sizzle! That’s me, alright.)
- Not really dating. Don’t really care. Getting too busy with the holidays coming up now anyways.
- Attended a Sandy fundraiser last Friday with a good friend and met some cool new girls and guys. In talking with them, it was once again proven how small NYC is when we figured out that we all know a bunch of people in common (either through sleep-away camp, work, high school, post-college).
- One of the girls I just met invited me to join her tomorrow night to listen to live music at a neighborhood bar. I’m going to try to go, but tomorrow I’ll have an all day “work holiday party”. It should actually be pretty awesome. Catered breakfasts in the large conference rooms on every floor, with food from different restaurants on each floor. Mimosas in the boss’ office. Encouragement by senior management to take long lunches (ie, feel free to drink during lunch hour). Then we have our holiday meeting/party that goes from 3:30-8:30PM at a nearby location. I took Friday off work, not necessarily because I’ll be hungover, but because I have my apt building super coming to fix something in my apt and I want to be there when he fixes it. Plus, I have a ridiculous number of vacation days that I need to use. I also have some baking to do for a holiday cookie & booze party on Saturday.
- Gotta love some of the people who read your blog and then make disrespectful comments towards me. (I don’t approve any comment that is blatantly disrespectful or mean-spirited. My blog, my rules. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.) Latest one was a guy who objected to how I used “creepy” to describe some of the guys dating online and thought that should give every guy carte blanche to call me another “C” word. Cute? Cool? Clever? Chic? Charming? How about classy? A word I would never use to describe that particular commenter. I don’t mind a mostly friendly debate. But please don’t be a troll and leave rude comments on other people’s blogs. I’ve seen others have issues with this as well on their blogs. Respect their space. It’s simple common courtesy. Besides, if you feel so inclined to call me names, do it to my face while not hiding behind your ‘anonymous’ Internet persona. <rant over>
- I am a full-fledged nerd now. I bought The Walking Dead compendium books that contain issues 1-96 and read them. I never would have ever thought that I’d buy comic books. They were so good. I’m debating if I want to buy the books that follow those issues. Hmmm. Am I that nerdy? I might need something to tide me over until the second half of season 3 comes back in February.
- Happy Hanukkah/Chanukah to my friends who celebrate!
Some of you may have been wondering what happened with the OKC guy I was conversing with that showed potential. Or you may not have.
Here’s where that stands…nowhere. I lost interest after we spoke on the phone. We talked for an hour. The conversation flowed. It was a fine conversation. But there were some areas where I think we are not the most compatible.
- He doesn’t want kids. He was talking about some health problems that his nephew is dealing with and made a comment that he didn’t want kids because he would never want to have to go through the same difficulties his sister goes through. It is no secret that I want kids. It says on my profile that I don’t have kids, but want them. Of course there is risk with having children, but I want to take that risk.
- He said he doesn’t drink. He doesn’t drink because he doesn’t see the point to it. He doesn’t understand why people drink. Though he doesn’t mind if the people around him are drinking, he just doesn’t. I can respect that decision, but I really would like to be with someone who I can share a bottle of wine with over dinner. Someone I can toast with on special occasions. Someone who won’t look down on me if I come home loaded after a once-a-year-holiday-tradition-drink-fest with friends. Most times, I don’t drink to get drunk. While it happens sometimes, I mostly drink because I really like the taste of wine, beer, and various liquors. They’re delicious. The fact that I can get a little tipsy while drinking them is a bonus.
- He lied about his age. Post-phone call, I saw him on another dating site that listed his age as 42 or 43. On OKC, he is listed as 37 and without the disclaimer that some use in the written part that they “just want to turn up in more searches”. What the fuck? This is the biggest deal-breaker. I seriously don’t understand why people lie about anything. The truth will come out eventually. I don’t lie about anything on my profile. What you see/read is what you get. I don’t think I need to and I just don’t want to. Why would I state something that isn’t true? I’m 37. If you think that’s too old, that’s not my problem and I wish you luck with your search. I’m 5’2. Yes, I’m short. Nothing I can do about it beyond wearing high heels. I’m curvy; not skinny, but not overweight. You can see from pictures what I look like. I would never post a picture of me 15 lbs ago (and 15 yrs ago) and show up surprising you with my current body. I fully realize that many people lie to appear more appealing online, but that’s not me. And it’s not someone I want to date. The clincher was that he mentioned that he hated it when anyone questioned his integrity. I’m sorry? You lie on one of two sites about your age and then you are going to get pissed if someone questions your honesty? Not cool. And for chrissakes, if you’re going to lie, don’t make it so easy to be caught.
There were other smaller things that I noticed during our phone call that led me to believe there might be issues down the road, if we were to start dating, but nothing that I couldn’t overlook at this point. But those three main ones, especially the lying bit, is too much for me to ignore. So, there you have it. Mr. Potential is no more.
No other real stories lately. I am not really being very active on either OKC or EHarm. I’m just checking in and deleting and archiving and cleaning things up. I haven’t been looking at profiles or emailing anyone. I’m just kind of bored with it right now. Hopefully in the next week or two I’ll make more of an effort. We’ll see.
Recently, a guy conducted an experiment. In short, this guy put up a fake profile pretending to be a very pretty 23-year old. He wanted to see how many men would still try to date her even when she came across as completely bat-shit-crazy in her written profile and during communication.
It’s not the first time someone has done this for “anthropological” reasons, and it certainly won’t be the last. Nothing revealed was a surprise. It was predictable. Some men (but not all) will put up with high levels of “crazy talk” just for a pretty face or to get laid.
Moving slightly away from this experiment, there was a comment on Gawker that put into words exactly how most of us who are online dating and hoping to meet someone real for something (hopefully) serious feel. It started out with a man commenting that he was on OKCupid and he felt like he was having a tough time because he thought he was “plain looking” though he didn’t consider himself “that ugly.” He marveled that this fake profile of a hot girl got so many views and emails in the first 6 hours it was up. He said he averaged a few views a day and a couple of messages a month and wondered about the gender dynamics and experiences of OKC. A woman replied to his comment and it really just sums up how I (and many others) feel when it comes to the messages I receive and how I’m trying to deal with the online dating experience.
Here it is:
“As a woman who was on OKC and will probably go on again, yes, the women get bombarded. It sets you up to not really even have the time to go perusing guys’ profiles and reach out to them–you’ve got eleventy hundred messages to reply to, weeeee.
Here are the dealbreakers, if you are looking for someone who knows which end is up: every guy who said “yr hot” was deleted. Every guy that made a transparent critical jab in order to play the insecurity game was deleted. Every guy that only fawned was deleted–if you like someone that much without knowing them, you don’t know much and you cannot be trusted.
The second and last of two guys I met with was neither fawning nor critical–just curious in his first message. He asked me a question. The question was drawn from something I had said in my profile, meaning he had carefully read and thought about what I wrote. And because it seemed like he was actually curious about understanding me better, I was compelled to respond.
That is what women want–for someone to “get it.” So a conversation was started–not about attraction–just a conversation. From that conversation, it was easy to check in one night and find that we were both in the mood to get a drink.
So the best advice I can give you is to try to read the women on the dating site as you would like to be read–as a complex real person, not a free dinner, or a gym-goer, or someone that will “treat her like a queen.” None of that is real at all. You will only hook idiots if they respond to such things.
You’re not ugly. The guy I fell for was, but it didn’t matter because of the confidence. I don’t have advice for getting girls to pursue you–they won’t on OKC. I am just telling you that your looks have nothing to do with it; you absolutely must be patient and persistent if you think you have the seed of a conversation starting, and above all, take it lightly. 90% of the people in the world are dumbasses. Don’t sweat it. You MUST NOT sweat it. Don’t smell like fear. Smell like you are curious about the world, intrigued, secure with yourself and looking to expand into really “getting” another person. Easier said than done, I know, and frankly if someone told me this shit, I’d be like, “Okay you have fun with that.” So I don’t think it’s fair in the least. But this is how I think things work in that venue.”
It’s simple, guys and girls, engage the person you are messaging. The obvious generic copy’n'paste jobs show no real interest. It doesn’t show me that you even read my profile or care to know anything about me beyond what I look like. All you have to mention is ONE thing. If you are super lazy, pick the one section out of the whole profile that has the fewest words, read it, and mention it. That will at least give you a better chance of initiating communication, which can lead to a date, which can lead to friendship, sex, dating, marriage, whatever you are looking for.
P.S. The young man who started this string of commenting and insights received mostly positive feedback. He wound up caving into one request that he post a pic and he did. He was cute and a far cry from many of the kinda creepy looking guys on OKC. People were encouraging and hopefully he takes the sound advice and doesn’t let the disappointment of fewer views and messages bring him down.