what’s your sign?

This post, courtesy of Gawker, is telling me that I am no longer a Taurus, but actually an Aries.  WHAT?!?!?!?

Astronomers have restored the original Babylonian zodiac by recalculating the dates that correspond with each sign to accommodate millennia of subtle shifts in the Earth’s axis. Prepare to have your minds blown, all you people with easily blowable minds.

Here is the zodiac as the ancient Babylonians intended it—with the dates corresponding to the times of the year that the sun is actually in each constellation’s “house”—according to the Minnesota Planetarium Society’s Parke Kunkle:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus:* Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

* Discarded by the Babylonians because they wanted 12 signs per year.

I was born a Virgo, and because that’s the shittiest sign in the zodiac, I have long refused to believe in astrology and forbid my loved ones from believing in it, either. (My anal retentive need to destroy an entire worldview because I do not like my role in it is, I am told, part of my Virgo nature.) If I’m really a Leo, though, who knows. [Star Tribune, Fox News, WTHR via LadyE. Image via Shutterstock.com]

Send an email to Maureen O’Connor, the author of this post, at maureen@gawker.com.

 

Umm, I like being a stubborn Taurus (Possessive, Permanent, Patient, Reliable, Warm-hearted, Loving, Persistent, Determined, Placid, Security-loving, Jealous, Resentful, Inflexible, Self-indulgent, Greedy).

Though I do have to admit that I have many of these Aries traits too (Assertive, Urgent, Forthright, Selfish, Adventurous, Energetic, Pioneering, Courageous, Enthusiastic, Confident, Dynamic, Quick-witted, Selfish, Quick-Tempered, Impulsive, Impatient, Foolhardy, Daredevil).

I don’t care what they say or what the *new signs* are, I’m a Taurus, through and through…

 

And the Gawker comments:

“My friends who follow this stuff say, “you are not very VIRGO-like.” Well, apparently I was a LEO the whole time. NOW EVERYTHING MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What sucks about being a Virgo? I was a Virgo too!

Huh. So I’m a Leo now. Sounds about right, my confidence has shifted and I’m a lot more self assured. But maybe it’s just because I’ve become older and wiser.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait. I have fully embraced my Virgo-ness, and now you’re telling me I’m a Leo? Now my whole life doesn’t make sense anymore. “

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“thank you Gawker. I’ve always known I was an Aries in Taurus clothing.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Virgo is NOT the worst sign on the Zodiac! I love being a humorless control freak who showers immediately after sex. Embrace it!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Yikes…I am still an Anal retentive attention seeking Virgo. But according to this my daughter is no longer a Virgo but a Leo instead, therefore maybe less arguments around the house?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Women always say i act like a scorpio. *shrug* Now it turns out i am.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I used to be a Taurus on the cusp of Gemini, but now I’m a full on Taurus. Seems about right. I’m a stubborn mo-fo.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Fuck you. I refuse to be a Virgo! “

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is also the reason I rely on the Chinese zodiac and just remain the rat that I am.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m a Virgo now, so WTF does that mean? I suck more on an astrological level?

And what? Now I have to have the shittiest sign? To take your place? Sonofabitch!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Great! I’m no longer the gay man horse with a bow and arrow! I’m a fucking half naked man holding a giant snake between his legs! The Universe is trying to tell me something and I’M NOT LISTENING, even though my new attributes seem much more like me than before.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Bitches. I’m a Capricorn now?! Fuck. Now I gotta dump my year-long partner because our signs no longer match. She’s gonna be PISSED.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“holy cow… went from a virgo to a leo. i… feel… funny. i’m starting to get hair where there was no hair…. hmmmm….”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t care what you say, I’m still plenty evil, and will always be a Scorpio! “

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I guess this makes everyone bi.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I have to stay a Virgo. It’s the only way I will ever be able to say “I’m a virgin” and not have everyone laugh at me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait a minute! If I was born on Sept. 16th (yes, I have the same bday as Nick Jonas and I appreciate your sympathy)… does this make me a Leo or Virgo?? Huh? Huh?!

*crosses arms and taps foot*

Also, how dare Fox News open the article with “Brace for the worst: You may be a Virgo…”?! What’s so bad about being a Virgo? I’m a Virgo and I’m damn proud of it! Yet another reason to despise them… UGH!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’d beat the shit out of that silly scientist- what does he mean that I am not an Aries?!? “

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Prepare to rethink your whole self-image and dating strategy, shallow people. “

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t be an Aries! If I’m no longer a Taurus I have no excuse to be materialistic, violent, stubborn, possessive, or rough in bed. I literally have nothing left.

That said though, I never gave this shit much thought, but when I was a kid my mother had a profile done for me by an astrologer that took into account exact longitude and latitude, time of birth, etc etc. That, yeah, it’s pretty creepy to read.

But seriously, no more rough sex?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“My girlfriend is actually a Libra. That explains EVERYTHING. Whew!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is some really disappointing news for a snow day…I thought I fit with Taurus so well-stubborn, smart, stubborn…now I am aries?! WTF is Aries?”

 

 

2 Comments

  1. Grey Goose, Dirty

    LMAO! Thank goodness I’m still a bitchy Leo! ;-)

    this is so funny! love all the comments …..

    • I refuse to believe or accept that I am not a stubborn, materialistic, self-righteous Taurus! So, phooey on those astronomers.

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